Roommate rules

My friend Emma and I love to share a big plate of rice and a vegetable bhaji. We always laugh about our friends and talk about our future plans. We’ve been doing that since the first day we arrived on campus because Emma was my randomly assigned roommate. We both entered that lottery and came out with a lasting friendship. Here’s how we did it.

Chat early
The first thing I did when I found out my roommate’s name was find her on Facebook. I sent her a message that started, “Hope this isn’t creepy…” Thankfully, she didn’t think I was a stalker. Instead of starting to lay out rules for our year, I asked her questions about herself. What was she studying? What was she doing that summer, and what was she interested in? I remember her telling me she liked clothes, cities, and coffee. Awesome. I told her I liked dinosaurs and books. We started off silly and honest, and that made us closer.

After a few conversations, we began to talk about who would bring what. We didn’t talk about rules or expectations, but said we would be glad to when we met. This made us excited to see each other but also respectful of the discussion we would have in the future.

Be giving before you’re demanding
Emma and I had to talk about our sleeping habits. We had completely different schedules. She liked to be in bed by 11 p.m. and up by 7 a.m. I concentrate best when everyone else is asleep and the birds are thinking about waking up.

I knew keeping my light on into the wee hours would annoy Emma, so I tried to work in the library or our dorm’s computer lab. Getting out of our room helped me make friends and was less distracting, anyway. If I did work in our room, I read or wrote quietly and without much light. Likewise, Emma went about her morning routine without waking me up.

Care, but don’t be annoying
Not everyone wants to be best friends with her roommate. But it isn’t too much to ask how her day was or what she working on. Plan roommate-only time to eat and talk if you two have grown close, but don’t force someone to talk or tag along for all their activities.

Emma and I had a bunch of mutual friends whom we would hang out with together, but we also had a few friends of our own. We didn’t get jealous or annoyed if we needed some alone time.

Don’t complain on your floor
Your floormates don’t need to know about every missing sock or dirty dish. Talk about that with your roommate. If you really need to vent, call your mom or talk to a friend outside of the floor. The last thing you want is word getting back to your roommate and starting needless drama.

 If Emma and I ever got frustrated with the other, we would talk about it and both agree to help. That meant sometimes she would vacuum and sometimes I would wash dishes. We shared responsibilities.

Remember this is college
If your roommate has a significant other over and forgets to put a belt on the door, laugh a little. If he blasts music from time to time, dance along. People are annoying sometimes. It’s true. Just remember it’s his or her first time living alone.

Forgive and have fun. Your roommate could be a lasting friend or future housemate. At the very least, share the fun of freshman year and then part peacefully.

Here are a few more tips:
Do: Get to know people together. It’s fun to have a group of friends.
Don’t: Expect your roommate to pick all your pals. Make friends in your classes, and get to know other people on your own.

Do: Talk about what food you are willing to share and what’s yours.
Don’t: Label every item in your room with your name and an angry face in marker. Seriously, it’s rude. Share a little.

Do: Go out of your way sometimes. My roommate made me soup and watched movies with me when I was sick.
Don’t: Act like your roommate’s mother. They’re learning to live on their own, too.