Chivalry vs. sexism

This weekend, I went to lunch with a friend and got a big surprise.

We’d eaten together plenty of times, but usually on quick lunch breaks at fast-food joints near our workplace.

This was the first time we’d gone to a real restaurant — the kind where they hand you the bill.

Or, rather, hand him the bill.

I was a little surprised.

During my previous restaurant experiences, which mostly involved girl friends, they’d automatically split the bill (or they had at least asked).

Okay, a guy and a girl in a restaurant can look like a date. But even if it had been, should the guy just automatically be expected to foot the bill?

Don’t get me wrong — I like a little chivalry as much as the next girl. But in the 21st century, it should go both ways.

I enjoy having the door opened for me, but if I get to the door first, I’m perfectly fine opening it for someone else. And I’m OK with letting someone buy me lunch — if I can pay the next time.

I’m not really a feminist, mostly because I don’t think about it. I’ve never been to a rally; I don’t avoid putting on makeup and wearing heels (actually, I do, but it’s really just because I can’t be bothered with the former and the latter hurt my feet). But I’d like some equality of the sexes.

As I said before, it’s the 21st century. Why should women still have to fight for equality?

Women are just as capable as men. We might not be able to do every single thing they can (and vice versa), but we can have jobs, graduate from college and run countries.

Why was it such a big deal three years ago that then-presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is  a woman? Women have ruled countries before. Even forgetting all the queens who ruled without men by their sides — Elizabeth I, Catherine the Great and Empress Wu — Margaret Thatcher and Golda Meir were 20th-century prime ministers of democratic countries.

On the other hand, it’s nice to do something for someone else. Women love a little romance. The knight in shining armor is supposed to be the ideal. Why is the idea of a guy doing something sweet, such as paying for a meal, so un-modern?

Because it goes beyond the action of paying — it’s the expectation that the guy pays, as if the girl can’t. And the guy proposes. And the father walks the daughter down the aisle, so she and the guy who paid for food can be pronounced man and wife, and for the rest of their lives, they’ll be formally known as Mr. and Mrs. His First and Last Names. There is a line between chivalry and sexism.

Things change quickly. My grandparents would be horrified if I addressed an envelope to Mr. and Mrs. Sam and Sally Jones instead of Mr. and Mrs. Sam Jones. My father always reaches to open the door for us, even if we reach the door first.

Me? I insisted on paying my half of the lunch bill.


E-mail: hanns@indiana.edu