Hair metal ‘Infestation’

There has to be someone in the world who was excited to learn second-tier ’80s hair metal band Ratt was “finally” releasing “Infestation,” the follow-up to their 1999 self-titled album, but it’s still difficult to wrap one’s head around the possibility.

This hypothetical Ratt fan probably heard the embarrassingly titled lead single “Eat Me Up Alive” on his local classic rock radio station and thought it was the musical equivalent to achieving nirvana.

The song has everything someone who listens to this kind of music could ask for: a limp main riff trying to pass itself off as heavy, processed vocals equivalent to that of a strip club cover band and, of course, a guitar solo!

The 10 guys on Earth who actually want to hear this still haven’t upgraded from cassettes, and thankfully, “Infestation” won’t be released on that format.