Going all out

Kaelan Barowsky sits alone in his armchair, a near-empty bottle of champagne in his hand.

Outside his Varsity Villas apartment, the Little 500 party of the year is raging on without him. It’s the monster he created, and now it’s taken on a life of its own.

The police have already busted it once tonight, but they came too early. Instead of cutting off its head, they only rapped it on the knuckles and sent it scurrying into the shadows, hiding in the corners of the long, narrow yard that Kaelan’s front deck faces.

Now it has re-emerged, picking up speed, pulling in people with the force of a high-powered magnet.

That was, of course, the ultimate goal. But that was also before the cops showed up and threatened to arrest him.

Clad in a red T-shirt that screams “I’M IN BTOWN BITCH,” Kaelan seems pretty ordinary. But the senior telecommunications major has built up an impressive reputation as one of IU’s grand masters of drunken revelry.

He’s graduating in May, so this is his last Little 500 week and he wants to go out big. Everyone’s been expecting him to deliver since the massive block party and pudding wrestling tournament he organized last year spawned stories people still talk about.

The No. 1 item on Kaelan’s agenda is to make sure everyone has fun, and he willingly deals with the consequences of having too much of it. When he heard one apartment’s glass door was shattered by a keg at his Halloween party, he immediately went over to introduce himself and apologize. He takes care of all the people who pass out at his place, and handles the guys who get too enthusiastic with the girls during events like last year’s pudding wrestling and tonight’s bikini contest.

But he can’t control everybody. When his block party was shut down last Little 5, somebody had slashed the tires of a police car on their way out, and another person ended up being arrested. Someone else punched in the window and front door of a neighboring apartment.

Both his roommates are gone, so Kaelan has to deal with this alone, and he’s tired. He’s stressed. “It’s out of my hands now,” he says.

A few friends come in to hide out.

“They said the cops are here,” someone says.

One officer is at the kitchen window; another one is behind the back porch.  
There’s a knock at the door.

“I’m not doing anything,” Kaelan protests, getting out of the chair.

He walks to the door and pulls it open, but it’s only more friends trying to duck out of eyesight. Kaelan lets them in, then looks outside. The police are talking to his neighbors, and it doesn’t look like things are going well. He can’t let them take the fall for this.

Kaelan steps outside, and closes the door.


‘I’M IN BTOWN BITCH’

Five acts had performed that day, including Kaelan’s roommate, Keith Turner, or rapper Kingaspades Turnaphrase. In celebration of both Little 500 and 4/20, the music blared, the alcohol flowed and the buds blazed all afternoon, but the crowd didn’t really start to gather until the sun set around 9 p.m. The party crowd is generally a nocturnal one, especially on a Tuesday, when many students are still faithfully trekking to campus.

At 1:30 p.m., Kaelan started setting up the sound equipment he had borrowed from a friend. Travis returned from class shortly after.

“Did you put extra supports under this thing?” he asked Kaelan, indicating the deck.  
“I just took a sledgehammer and busted those things out so it’ll collapse later,” Kaelan laughed, taking a practice swing.

Last year one of the steps had broken under the weight of block party crowd. So Kaelan bought two rolls of plastic poultry netting and nailed it to four wooden posts in buckets that he bought from Lowe’s, rigging a crude fence to prevent the hordes of cross traffic that had spelled doom for the porch before. The fencing also acted as a barrier between the bands and the people.

“If people like this gentleman need to get through, we just set it aside,” Kaelan said, rolling the post-and-bucket out of the way of a student burdened with a backpack. The student tipped thank you on the way past, snacking on a pack of Pop-Tarts. 

This time there will be a contest for techno hip hop group LMFAO’s Polka Dot Bikini Girl, and the winner would dance on stage with the duo at GLOWfest Thursday. In addition, Kaelan ordered T-shirts at someone’s request and is selling them as souvenirs.

He’s wearing one of them today. The back of it reads “Little 500 2010,” and features three items checked off: Villas Block Party, Pudding Wrestling, Skipped Class. He also ordered them in pink for the girls who participate in the pudding wrestling on Friday.

It was warm out, and it felt a lot hotter than the projected high of 70 degrees. Two maintenance workers were building a wall at the end of the property, seemingly deaf to the music pumping from Mike Walker’s balcony, the first on the left from Kaelan’s deck. Kaelan grabbed a couple cans of Natural Light and walked them down to the workers.

The music kicked off around 3 p.m., and at 4 o’clock Kaelan picked up the mic and initiated a countdown to 4:20 as ska band Go Go Gadget! packed up. At 4:19, the lighters flicked on and marijuana circulated both the musicians and the spectators.

“If you’re smoking weed, nobody cares,” he had yelled at a few people hanging back from the yard.

“It is the day,” someone on the grass added.

As the sun went down around 9 p.m., the number of people went up. Psychadelic jam band Spacesuit had finished their set and were disassembling their equipment as ’90s rock cover band On The House started moving in. To fill the dead space, Mike turned up the music. Kaelan took over the microphone, joking with the crowd.

Suddenly two cops were standing over him. Arms crossed, they stood side-by-side, surveying the crowd like prison guards. Police cars had been rolling through the complex as early as 8:30, but the noise ordinance doesn’t kick in until 9. The noise also needs to continue for at least 15 minutes to justify a disturbance. The police showed up at 9:20.

What would Dylan do?

Sgt. Joe Crider stepped over to catch Kaelan’s attention. When he saw the officer, Kaelan immediately stepped away from the microphone.

“Party’s over. You need to turn off your equipment,” Crider said.

Officer Burns took Kaelan’s ID for a background check, and Kaelan headed back to the microphone to tell the people on the lawn that they have to shut down.

“They’re nice guys, they’re very nice guys. They’re just trying to help us out,” Kaelan said of the officers.

The crowd clapped.

“I am a little upset that we can’t get to the polka dot bikini girl contest, but can you come back for that and just work security for it?” Kaelan asked the officers. “That would be phenomenal.”

The officers laughed.

“I appreciate the invite, but no. We’re gonna call it a night,” Crider responded.
Kaelan stepped over to discuss things with the police, trying to find a happy medium where everyone could have fun without getting in trouble. He didn’t find one, and finally shook the officers’ hands.

“Now if people want to stay down here, that is ultimately not our decision,” he said to the audience. “But please don’t party in front of my door because I will go to jail.”
The crowd booed.

“Don’t boo, they’re doing their job,” Kaelan said.

“Jail is not the answer,” someone yelled.

Kaelan proceeded to take down the equipment. The police left, and Kaelan started clearing everyone off of the deck. Though he was polite and joking with the officers, he’s still upset the party got shut down so early. 

“Stick it to the man,” a friend said to him.

“What would Dylan do?” Kaelan joked, referring to Bob Dylan. Both Kaelan and his friend are in MUS-Z404: “The Music of Bob Dylan.”

Kaelan started setting up for the bikini girl contest. As he was clearing the deck, the crowd came back. They never really left in the first place, and now the late-comers have started to show up too. It’s more than twice the size it was when the police showed up.

When the four girls in the contest were ready, Kaelan hyped up the crowd.

“Are you ready to see Girl No. 1?” he yelled from the cooler he was standing on.

He was barely audible over the noise. The girls walked out, dancing and posing individually to the approval of the crowd.

They went one more round, then Kaelan did his best to quiet everyone for a vote. Though the audience cheered for every girl, Girl No. 3 incited an incredibly loud response that crowned her winner. She received a $50 gift card to buy her polka dot bikini for LMFAO’s show on Thursday.

Then Kaelan took over the cooler podium again and threw out his remaining beers, acting as an emcee even though he no longer had a mic. Someone started music from their apartment, since Mike had taken his down when the police showed.

After only a few minutes though, Kaelan retired and began clearing the people off his deck again. They had overtaken it as soon as the contest started. Then he went inside and shut his door, where he stayed until the police returned.

He didn’t get arrested that night when he walked out to face the cops, but he “called it a night.” It was only 11 p.m., but the whole event had worn him out.

The officers issued a $50 fine to his neighbors, and continued on across the complex, going door to door with citations.  


One rule

It has been raining all morning, but it’s stopped, and the skies are holding their water for now. It’s Friday, April 23, the day of the pudding wrestling. The kiddie pool is sitting on a tarp in the yard, awaiting the chocolate substance.

Kaelan bought 21 seven-pound cans of the pudding from Sam’s Club the day before, and now he and his neighbors set to the task of opening all of them. 

The pudding looks like curdled chocolate milk once he starts adding water to it. Even though the cans had filled up Kaelan’s trunk, it’s barely enough to coat the bottom surface of the pool.

There’s a keg race going on at the neighboring apartment, and people are slowly starting to show up. Mike is acting as DJ again, but there are no girls. One participant texted Kaelan to say that her friend went to the hospital with a concussion the night before.

“No pudding wrestling for us :(” the text read.

The first two girls had put on an entertaining show earlier in the day at the pudding wrestling, and something, whether it was broken glass or a nail, had gashed one girl’s foot, sending her to the hospital. That put a damper on the already cloudy day, and no one else is interested in getting in. Kaelan starts commentary on the keg race behind the pool instead, where people are spewing beer every few minutes. 

“Puke and rally!” he cheers.

There is so much vomit that one person slips and falls.

In lieu of wrestlers, Kaelan singles out girls to negotiate free T-shirts, so the crowd is treated to several instances of flashing, plus a brief topless make-out session. 

Two more girls show up just after 4 p.m. to wrestle, the last to do so. They’re much more timid than the first pair. Kaelan announces the only rule, the same rule they had last year: The first girl to get the other’s top off wins. They stare at each other open-mouthed, laughing in shock.

“Or if you make out or have sex, you both win,” Kaelan jokes.

Even though they know the rule, the girls stay in. They gingerly start trying to pull each other down, but they never attempt to de-clothe one another. The crowd gets bored, so the two get out to pull in Kaelan. He obliges, and steps in the pool with them.

All three of them stand there for a second, and Kaelan looks around at the crowd like he isn’t sure what to do. Then in one sudden motion, he reaches out and claws at both girls’ tops, exposing them for a split-second before they recover. The crowd erupts.

One of the girls immediately leaves, but the other stays in with him for a few more minutes. Kaelan makes a few slow attempts at her bathing suit again to please the onlookers, but she sits down and covers up every time. He finally succeeds in pulling her top off all the way to end the fight, throwing it toward the people. She gives up and walks away, with her hands over her breasts. Kaelan collapses against the side of the pool, arms thrown over the sides, smiling.

Someone throws the top back. Kaelan takes off his shirt and puts it on, modeling it for the crowd.

“It’s a little small,” he says.

He gets out and walks back up the stairs to the deck and slings the bathing suit over the corner of the roof like a flag.

Then he hangs his pudding-covered T-shirt across the front of the deck and lets it hang there like a banner.

That wrapped up the pudding wrestling for the day, though other people would occasionally jump in for a minute or two. Kaelan had successfully completed his final Little 500 without any major consequences from the authorities.

“Are you going to jail?” one girl had asked him anxiously at Tuesday’s block party, throwing herself into his arms. “I’ll come visit you.”

Kaelan hugged her.

“Thank you,” he said, smiling.