Into Dunn’s Woods

It is a dark, gloomy and eerily misty Bloomington night. A fell wind twists and turns through the high-reaching gothic spires of the Old Crescent that strike a sharp contrast to the jet black, moonless sky.

Somewhere, a small-to-mid-sized darkly feathered bird (maybe a pigeon) caws out into the night, admonishing an anxious traveler what dangers beset him on his dark and dangerous journey. Where is this foolhardy student so recklessly traipsing?

The ominous answer: the “Scary Woods.”

During the safe and sun-drenched daylight hours, students stroll through Dunn’s Woods without so much as a thought as to why it is there, let alone what wonders — or dangers — lurk within. Many a time I myself have ambled wondrously through these woods, marveling at one of the last refuges of the untamed wilderness that covered Indiana merely three centuries ago.

I’ve spotted countless squirrels scurrying among the fallen timber of oaks, racing against the clock in autumn to “get their nut,” so to speak, for the long winter hibernation.

In the springtime, these critters reemerge into the world with renewed vim and vigor, trying to “get their nut” in an entirely different way. I’ve seen many students merrily chase after these small mammals.

In fact, I personally know one guy who broke his ankle chasing after a squirrel. Alas, he was merely a freshman at the time and didn’t have the wisdom to avoid such rash endeavors.

Sadly, it isn’t the cheerfulness of the woodland creatures that exemplifies Dunn’s Woods true character. When dusk settles upon the lofty trees and lowly cracked-brick paths, IU’s miniature forest transmogrifies into a much more sinister place.

Personally, I get a little freaked out at night walking through Dunn’s Woods. Strange things happen in the woods, and not all of them have explanations. Not entirely unlike Fangorn Forest from “Lord of the Rings,” the trees seem to come alive, creaking and moaning into the chilly night air. Piercing shrieks and maniacal laughter spring from dim and shadowy corners of the woods.

I once witnessed a man cackling insanely as he rode his bicycle into a tree. He began to weep inconsolably, but as I offered him help, he flailed violently, jumped in the air and sprinted away. He left his bicycle. Although his possession could be caused by the evil spirits of the LSD or whiskey gods, I blame the evil spirit of the Scary Woods.

But fear not, for we can banish the malevolent spirits that corrupt our beloved Dunn’s Woods. We really just need more path-lights around the walkways in the woods at night. Yeah, that’s pretty much all that needs to be done.

I imagine a bright future, where students will promenade at their leisure through Dunn’s Woods at night, perhaps to bask in the moonlight near the Rose Well House with that special someone.

To whomever wins the IUSA election, I give you this charge: Bring light to the Scary Woods, and restore it to its former glory.


E-mail: halderfe@indiana.edu