True Life: I have no life

With the world in turmoil, I have decided to rid my life of so-called “crises” like renewable energy and the economy.

Instead, I have chosen to focus on a world where materialism still reigns supreme, love triangles are the norm and people can find love by choosing from a pool of applicants with nothing else going on in their lives besides fighting for the affections of someone they’ve never met. That world is reality television.

Yes, reality television: The one place where people can turn away from their real lives and instead focus on the world corporate America wants us to believe exists. No one asks any girl from “Flavor of Love” to solve the energy crisis, and no one in his right mind would ask Mike from “Jersey Shore” to fix “The Situation” in the economy.

My love for this genre has become so great that these days I question my motivation to even leave my room. Why would I live out my own pathetic life when MTV has filmed other people for me to vicariously live through?

Do you know the thrill I get from watching people on “The Biggest Loser” change their lives by dropping pounds? I feel as though I’ve completed this terrific feat. After such an emotional roller coaster, and such an accomplishment that I, too, can share in, I sit back, relax and enjoy some more chicken wings as I flip over to “The Real World: Washington D.C.” to reward myself.

Now, some people believe that there are too many reality shows, but these people are wrong. Shows like “The Real World,” “The Bachelor,” “For the Love of Ray J,” “Jersey Shore,” “Deadliest Catch,” “Chef Academy,” “I Love New York,” “Top Chef,” “America’s Next Top Model,” “American Idol,” “Jon & Kate Plus 8” (too soon?), “Real Housewives of Orange County,” “Real Housewives of New Jersey,” “Real Housewives of Atlanta,” “Ice Road Truckers” and “Hell’s Kitchen” are all vitally important TV shows that had to be produced.

Overall, I love that reality TV has successfully changed itself from what it used to be: meaningful.

“The Real World,” for example, used to cover real issues like politics and human sexuality. Now, episodes have been boiled down to drinking and hooking up. It’s ironic, because although they have stolen the show’s dignity, MTV’s materialistic attitude has also stolen my heart.

Frankly, life is too short to live it yourself; that’s why reality TV has packed love, drama, humor and triumph into a glorious, cliff-noted existence to be enjoyed by the world’s most attention deficient culture.

So someone pass the chicken wings, and I’ll turn on “Celeb-reality.” It’s time to live life to the fullest, the way nature, and VH1, intended.