No one cares about Sierra Club

Last night I had a horrible dream. Woodburn Hall burst into flames from faulty solar panels. I saw a wind farm near Tulip Tree commit genocide on a flock of majestic bald eagles. Then a volcano erupted from the ground, consuming the library. And worst of all, tuition was outrageous.

I woke up, trying to catch my breath, soaked in sweat. I took a walk outside to cool my jets and I came across a light pole with a “Coal Free IU” sticker on it.

The Sierra Club has been campaigning for a Coal Free IU this year. Its agenda is to reduce carbon emissions and clean our air. I fear the club targeted Bloomington because we are a hot spot for flannel and bicycles.

The club thinks we could set an example for the rest of the state; we are supposedly to Indiana what California is to the country as a whole.

But really no one listens to us, because the rest of the state knows that we are just a bunch of filthy college kids who take up political causes to get laid. I firmly believe the only reason the Coal Free IU campaign has gained any steam at all was because of free stickers and pizza.

To watch an IU student squirm, don’t ask them why they are supporting a Coal Free IU.

The real question to ask is how they can make it happen.

On the Sierra Club Web site it suggests we replace our coal plant with solar panels, wind farms and geothermal power. I’m going to knock down all of these as fast as I can.

Solar panels will only work consistently during the summer. I’ve been living in Bloomington all my life and the cloudy days far outnumber the sunny. During the first week and a half of winter break I forgot what the sun looked like.

Where would we even put a wind farm in Bloomington? They can be obnoxiously loud, so it’s not going to be anywhere near campus or downtown.  Most of our fields are filled with corn and we are not about to tear down a few trees near Lake Monroe. Besides upsetting the precious deer ecosystem, it would lower property values for John “Cougar” Mellencamp.

And I don’t even have a joke for the person who says IU has enough money to modify every building on campus to run on geothermal power.

The geothermal project at Ball State University cost an estimated $70 million. IU has already faced several budget cuts from the state, the most recent costing the University almost $60 million.

Money is at the root of our dilemma. Everyone must know that to accomplish a Coal Free IU, we would have to pay for it through higher taxes or tuition. It’s not like money grows on trees because if it did, we’d all be environmentalists.

This brings me back to my original point: No one really cares about the Sierra Club. In reality its members are only building resumes or trying hard to feel good about themselves, as if they made a difference in college.


E-mail: nicjacob@indiana.edu