What would WEEKEND do?

Adam Lukach
alukach@umail.iu.edu

If the world were ending in 2012, the first thing I would do, along with probably everyone else, would be to drop out of school. I wouldn’t even graduate until 2012, so what’s the use of a college diploma that I can use for all of about six months? While I cannot say for certain, I would probably just watch a lot of television and drink Mountain Dew. (I do work for WEEKEND.) I know it’s not very exciting, but I considered being a criminal and I didn’t want people to think less of me if I chose that for my hypothetical apocalyptic occupation.

Alex Benson
alebenso@gmail.com

I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some global warming, planetary eclipse, conspiracy-theory mythical bullshit bring humanity to the end of days. That is why I am going to do it. As if I am going to let the credit for ending the plague that is humanity slip to natural or supernatural causes. I’m going to steal Dr. Evil’s thunder and drill a hole to the center of the earth, causing the beautiful greenish-blue sphere to implode into a fiery pit of hell. After I secure my spot as last living organism alive, I’ll get on a cliff, bend over pants down, middle finger up and wait for a wave of mutilation to take me away.

Brad Sanders
bradsand@umail.iu.edu

If I knew the world was going to end in three years, I would start by dropping out of school. I would open as many credit cards as possible and buy every CD, DVD and comic book I have ever wanted. Then, if the NBA didn’t fold in the wake of the impending doom, I would get courtside seats to every San Antonio Spurs home game. Lastly, I would end all of my meaningful relationships with human beings because the pain would be too great when they all died. Then I’d read more comic books.

Danielle Paquette
danpaque@umail.iu.edu

If I had three years to live, I’d empty my bank account to fill the pages of my passport with stamps from exotic locations. Once entirely broke, I’d roam vagabond-style from country to country, surviving on feminine wiles and Aladdin-esque thievery. I’d help smuggle my family and friends across borders, and then engage in the most uninhibited revelry imaginable. We’d sunbathe and sip wine, never to face long-term consequences. I suppose if I had three years to live, I’d really be living.

Doug Evans
dnevans@indiana.edu

If the world were to end in three years, the first thing I would do is take a hot air balloon ride as far as I possibly could to see the world from above. Then I would skydive, take up smoking, drink more and start using illicit drugs heavily because when the world is going to end, there really are no consequences. Finally, I would do everything in my power to get on a shuttle headed to outer space. On the brink of world collapse and in my drug-induced haze, I think I would want to experience the universe firsthand.

Therese Kennelly
tmkennel@umail.iu.edu

If I only had three years until the world ended, I would get a pet pink platypus and form an indie band titled the Egglaying Mammals. We would sing in Taiwanese and tour the world. Once we signed a recording contract with a major label, I would spend all the money we earned on purchasing a record store where I would sell vintage vinyl, read Existential literature, write a manifesto and make witty allusions for the rest of my years.