Don’t say ‘gay’

Bloomington is by all accounts an open and affirming community – a welcoming home to people of all sexual orientations and gender identities.

The vast majority of you certainly have no problems with GLBT individuals or the GLBT community. When asked outright, you all know that the word “gay” refers to same-sex attraction.

But in the halls of Ballantine, Woodburn, Kelley and beyond, “gay” still means “stupid.”
I was lucky enough to start high school the year one courageous senior ally stood up in front of the entire student body and said that the use of “gay” as a negative adjective was going to stop then and there. And it did.

Without the desensitization that even many of my gay friends experienced after hearing the slur routinely in high school, I shifted uncomfortably on a regular basis during my freshman year at IU. 

In a French class last spring, I’d finally had enough and I got up the nerve to call out a classmate. By her estimation, that week’s homework assignment was “gay,” as were many of the texts we had read. I happened to know that our teacher was actually gay.
When another student chimed in that the entire course was “gay,” I said something, not wanting the conversation to continue in the direction it was headed. Had it gone one step further – a comment about our teacher – the line between “gay means stupid” and “gay means gay” are blurred. And that’s the problem.

Most of the time, when you say something is “so gay,” it has nothing at all to do with sexual orientation.

Otherwise, judging from popular opinion, the vast majority of homework, tests and groups of loud obnoxious people in the library would exhibit same-sex attraction.

No one thinks that, nor does anyone mean to call all gay people stupid when they assign that adjective to an obnoxious person or assignment. But it’s the same word. And it’s easy for the line to get blurred, as it did in my French class.

First, it’s the homework assignment that’s gay. And then it’s the course itself. And once it’s about a human being, his sexuality and the insult are inextricably linked.

In other cases, there is real homophobia beneath the careless use of language. If homosexuality doesn’t make you uncomfortable, then you don’t need to say “no homo” after ... well, whenever it is everyone says “no homo.” 

This summer, when a house on Lincoln Avenue was defaced with graffiti that read, “Hipster faggots burn in hell,” there was a clear homophobic message beyond the thoughtless use of language.

There’s plenty of work to be done in fighting homophobia and transphobia in Bloomington and beyond.

If ending that kind of intolerance is a cause you care about, by all means get involved. Lobby our elected representatives, and encourage friends in Maine and Washington state to vote on the side of marriage equality.

But if you don’t know or care about the issues, just stop saying “gay” when the term is inappropriate.

I know, changing our behavior to be politically correct isn’t easy or cool and may not seem worth it. You’ve heard it before, but I’ll say it again: GLBT and questioning youth are four times more likely than their straight peers to attempt or commit suicide.

It might not be worth it for  you personally to stop and think, but the first step to fixing this statistic is for our generation to change our language to reflect acceptance.

I have always had a hard time figuring out how to ask people to stop saying “gay” when they mean dumb, un-cool or annoying.  Once, I overheard a conversation among friends: The word “gay” was thrown in, and the response was simple. The friend interrupted with a simple “Don’t say gay.”

That’s when I realized that the correction doesn’t have to be a conversation about gay rights, political correctness or social issues.

If you don’t think being gay is being stupid, let’s get beyond the language that makes it seem like it’s the same thing.

There’s a lot of fight left in the battle against homophobia. But to be honest, I don’t even see this as part of the fight.

My best and most supportive allied friends say “gay” when they mean “stupid.” But we’ll foster an environment that destroys confidence and tolerance for as long as we continue to be careless with our language.

Let’s stop today so we can get on to the real fight for equality and justice.