Barry varies from deodorant to Facebook

Comedian Todd Barry entertained audiences this weekend at the Funny Bone Bloomington Comedy Club with jokes about Facebook descriptions, deodorant and Macs vs. PCs.

Guest performing was senior Jack Skolnick, a recent open-mic night winner, who recommended compromise when creating laws.

“We could make marijuana legal, but make it illegal to go to Taco Bell,” he said.
Other suggested trade-offs included universal health care, but all doctors had to be Patch Adams clones and make murder illegal in all states except Arizona.

“Sometimes, you just want to challenge your third-grade gym teacher to a boxing match to the death,” he said. “It’d be like a theme park, but for murder.”

As for what to pack for a trip to the murder theme park, Skolnick recommended guns, knives and a fun mixed tape. He then turned the stage over to feature performer Prescott Tolk.

“Yesterday, I gave my girlfriend a nipple ring,” Tolk said. “Because Beyonce says if you like it, you should put a ring on it.”

He then switched to a pet peeve – driving and parking conditions in Chicago. He talked about driving on clogged roads and getting pulled over by a police officer who asks, “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

“You do not want to get that question wrong,” Tolk said. “‘Because I was smoking a joint?’ ‘No, but I guess you know why you’re getting handcuffed.’”

He said his car was towed while he was in a bank cashing a $100 check, but getting his car back cost $260.

“I should have just ripped up the check – I’d be up $100,” he said, before moving on to other topics such as Starbucks and politics.

It was then Barry’s turn to keep the audience laughing.

“There’s this one argument I’ve been having with drunk guys for 20 years,” he said, noting that they mistake him for someone else.

Barry also mentioned that someone once told him they didn’t like New York because they got arrested there for having a fake ID.

“That’s the thing about New York. You will occasionally get arrested for criminal activity,” he said.

After a few jokes about Tom’s of Maine lemon grass deodorant, which actually makes the wearer smell worse, Barry recalled trying to upgrade his Blackberry. Upon telling the customer service representative that he had a Mac, which is incompatible with the software, she asked if he had any friends with a PC.

“I’m not one of those Mac assholes who won’t hang out with you if you have a PC,” he said.

Barry then commented that Californians are pompous about the quality of their state’s Mexican food, so much so that one of his friends refused to eat New York City’s Mexican food.

“New York City has about 10,000 amazing chefs,” Barry said. “Believe it or not, a handful of them have figured out how to replicate the quesadilla.”
After that, things got personal between Barry and Bloomington.

“Music is the big major? Those people whoo-ing off-key?” he said. “All of my Facebook friends here tonight? I want to meet them all.”

One audience member suggested Fourth Street when Barry asked where he should eat, which Barry then wove into the rest of his act. Toward the end of the evening, he joked that he had driven to Bloomington from New York in his limo.

“I bought it off Prince in 2004,” he said. “It’s not new, but it’s purple.”