We Aren’t Douchey!

IU has quite a lot to brag about.
According to the Princeton Review, we have the 19th best college newspaper. We’re also the 14th best party school. On top of that all, they call us a “Best Midwestern College.”
Besides the Princeton Review, we have praised IU for having a campus riddled with “red hot” girls; a proclamation I feel is well deserved. Just walking around campus, you’ll find yourself thinking “Is she hot or is she gorgeous?”
But after awhile, we need something fresh to revive our school spirit. GQ Magazine has just that something.
Like Princeton Review, GQ has made a list of its own.
But why would this be important if IU is found nowhere on it?
Because the list is for “America’s 25 Douchiest Colleges”, a list that all Hoosiers know IU is far from being on.
Fellow Indiana school Notre Dame made the list as the 15th douchiest school. Another school crawling with douchebags is University of Colorado, coming in at 10th on GQ’s list.
The cherry on the douche-cake is Brown University, claiming the coveted top spot on the list. According to GQ, Brown is home to the “Peace Sign on My Mom’s 7 Series” douche.
But it doesn’t stop with the student body of Brown University, oh no. Douchiness can be seen in the classes those students choose to take.
Classes like “English 200: On Vampires and Violent Vixens: Making the Monster Through Discourses of Gender and Sexuality” are offered to the students at Brown.
So, IU has dodged a bullet this year... but how long will it last?
As with any college, IU has its fair share of douches.
We have a fair amount of those guys who run on campus with their shirts off and time it so everyone will see their hot bods as students come out of class.
We are home to girls who can’t dance but get up on that table anyway.
These are all signs that IU, dare I say, has the potential to make GQ’s “Douchey” list.
All that we’ve worked for – our party school standing, our campus that blooms with amazingly beautiful women – would all be lost if we’re one of the nation’s douchiest schools.
Honestly, it’s impossible to avoid being a douchebag. We all do douchey things in one way or another.
The key to stay off the dreaded list is to be the best douchebag you can possibly be.
Guys, run on the edge of campus, not through it, with your shirt off. Girls will still think you’re macho.
Girls, take a salsa class before downing half a bottle of vodka and doing a good, old-fashioned table dance.
Let’s try avoiding GQ for a few more years at least.
Together, we can do this.
We can be the least douchey douchebags this world has seen.

E-mail: nelsoncs@indiana.edu