Take my trash

Of course I have a lot of crappy stuff. I’m a college student. That’s just how it goes. Re-gifted furniture and hand-me-down dishes – it’s what dreams are made of.

Not that I like having things that are older than I am. Sometimes I dream of a couch that’s not colored in the various shades of powder-puff pink and robin-egg blue that were popular during the first Bush administration. But so be it. All good things come to those who wait, right?

Wrong.

Thanks to the Obama administration, I can unload my clunker for cash. Well, not really cash. The money goes to the car dealer. I get a rebate for a newer, more fuel-efficient car – that I’ll have to make monthly payments on for the next few years.

Not that I mind. In fact, it’s my civic duty to commit to such payments in the midst of this down economy. I have to do my part, even if that means taking on a new financial obligation as unemployment remains high. It’s just too good of a deal to pass up.
And I’m not the only American who thinks so.

Last week, the Department of Transportation announced the $1 billion allocated to the program had been drained in a matter of days. This led some officials to advise car dealers to quit offering rebates, even as the White House asserted the program would continue. Though the Senate won’t vote until this week, the House attempted to calm the confusion by authorizing an additional $2 billion to keep the initiative afloat.

And I’m glad it did.

I love getting money for my old stuff. I don’t want it anymore. Where I used to take my chances on eBay, accepting any stray offer that might float my way, now I can get helped out by the federal government.

This could be the start of something great.

I’d love to get cash for my laptop. Though it’s not more than 2 years old, it does take – please wait, buffering – forever to load videos. And I wouldn’t mind getting one of those fancy black MacBooks that the kid down the hall had. The keyboard lit up. That’s cool.

Oh, and there’s a bunch of DVDs I’d like, too. Maybe the lawmakers could take my old ones off my hands as well. I know there’s a few private stores out there that have tried the idea, but I just think the government could do it so much better. And I’d probably get more money from it anyway.

Might as well grab a new printer while I’m at it. And though my phone was a Christmas present, it’s got a tiny scratch on the screen. My AeroBed doesn’t inflate anymore and I’ve never had an iPod.

With just a little boost from Washington, I’d be more than willing to singlehandedly spend this country out of a slump.

I’ll just have to keep all my new things nice so they’ll last me through the decades it’ll take to pay off our national debt.