Fatherless culture

I can’t say I’ve ever thought of myself as manly.

Not that I’ve doubted my manhood – I mean, I see it every time I step out of the shower. It’s just that I don’t always like to get dirty, eat bloody meat or shop at Dick’s Sporting Goods. There’s a bike rack on my jeep, but I’ve never used it. I find no pleasure in a well-mowed lawn.

And my aversion to grills doesn’t mean I can’t be one of the guys, right? There has to be more to being a man than a love for sport and an extreme pleasure in scratching.
I mean, could someone point out the ideal man? Is it the grill-master bass pro? Or the well-groomed, courteous nice guy, who never offends anyone, but never really wows anyone either? Perhaps it’s the rebel who loves to shock and awe, but never achieves stability. Is it the metro, manicured Mr. Timberlake? Or the bearded, bad-mother-fighter Chuck Norris?

Stupid question. Sorry, Chuck.

But looking around, I haven’t really spotted many men (in the Texas Ranger sense). I’ve seen a lot of guys that got old and fat, complained about how much their wives nag them and settled down to wind up constantly talking about the glory days of things past.

Is this what it’s supposed to be?

I’ve always felt that manliness couldn’t simply be defined by interests (which can be too varied), actions (which are entirely irrelevant) or appearances (which can often be deceiving). It seemed like there must be something more – beyond that dangling piece of anatomy between the legs – that made a man.

And I don’t think I’m the only one alone in my search.

A bunch of guys seem to be looking for the definition; and, finding little to imitate or observe, have ended up in all sorts of trouble.

Maybe that’s why, from 1995 to 2005, men had a suicide rate 4.6 times higher than women  or why the majority of violent crimes in our country are committed by young men between the ages of 15 and 25.  

It can’t simply be male aggression run amok. Men have always been fiery and passionate – we’re wired that way. We want to test our strength and prove it, which is why even the first cavemen didn’t ask for directions. But it’s not in our blood.

Don’t get me wrong. Being civilized is good. I enjoy living in a law-abiding society. I say please and thank you. But at what point does cultivation become emasculation? I mean, we have a wild side, don’t we?

Modern thinkers have been quick to blame these problems facing men on poverty, lack of education and even gang sociology. But the fact remains that the single most reliable factor in predicting violent and disruptive behavior among young men is fatherlessness – the lack of a male role model.  

Whether they’re gone for good or just consciously absent in the La-Z-Boy, we really seem to be missing out on what it means to be a man.