Speak up and speak out, man

At the water cooler, in the blogosphere and in many households, everyone has an opinion on the Chris Brown and Rihanna situation. Even Oprah Winfrey and Tyra Banks recently commented about domestic violence.

Granted, we do not know the specific details of this particular case. But, what we do know is that regardless of the “facts,” if Chris Brown hit, pushed, bit or choked Rihanna, he should be legally punished, held publicly accountable and made to seek counseling to recover before he continues a cycle of violence.

Grabbing a woman’s butt without her consent is sexual assault. Giving a woman too much alcohol to lower her inhibitions is sexual coercion. Forcing a partner to have intercourse is rape, despite the fact that the other person might not say no or stop. Grabbing, choking or pushing is violence against women.

About 20 percent of women report being sexually assaulted or raped. Sexual assault, rape and violence against college-aged women are reported to be up to four times higher than the national averages. Despite these startling numbers, about 60 percent of all sexual assaults are not reported.  

According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, more than 50 percent of the men who commit these sexual and violent acts are considered friends, colleagues or associates of the women assaulted.

In response to these facts, some men always say, “Well, women do it too.” While this is true, the statistics do not lie. About 95 percent of all sexual assaults and violent incidents that are reported have male perpetrators.

A victim is never to blame for being hit, sexually assaulted or raped. There is never a reason to commit violence against a woman, regardless of what she did. Knowing the facts of the specific incident does not justify the act. It is time for men to be held more accountable for their actions in public opinion and in the courts.

It should be noted that some of us men do not approve of these acts of violence and sexual oppression. Yet most of us witness these incidents on a regular basis.

It is time for us to speak up and speak out when we see these incidents in our daily lives. Make your presence known when you see a man “jerk up” a woman or when a guy “feels up” a woman at the club. We can begin to change this hegemonic peer culture one incident at a time.

Let’s speak out for our mothers, sisters, daughters, wives, fiancees, girlfriends and friends who are girls. In fact, let’s speak up for our fathers, brothers, sons and male friends. Speaking out does not just “save” women, it also “saves” men from the psychological effects of being perceived as perpetrators of violence.

It can also lead to building bridges between men and women to sever the cycle of violence that plagues so many families. Men and women can be allies to stop gender inequality. Just speak up and speak out, man.