R.I.P. rickroll

I usually try to abstain from watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Al Roker attempting to explain the concept of an Optimus Prime float is often too much for my fragile brain to handle. This year as the corporate mascots floated above the citizens of New York like new gods, we were treated to a special surprise. As the Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends float rolled by, the music stopped and out popped the god of Internet memes: Rick Astley. As Mr. Astley lip-synced his resurrected hit, “Never Gonna Give You Up,” the crowd applauded and Matt Lauer casually announced, “Rick Rolling” as if it was as common as saying, “and here’s Meredith Vieira with some hot new fashions for the fall.”

A small part of the nerd in me died that day, my friends.

Afterward, the turkey didn’t seem so succulent, Black Friday sales seemed less mob-worthy and my third afternoon nap was only mildly refreshing.

I thought when Carson Daly rickrolled his audience, the phenomenon would end there, but it only grew. When practically every major Web site incorporated the video into their April Fool’s joke this year, I thought to myself, “Surely now the madness will end and I can trust again!”

It is with this that I plead to you, my brothers and sisters: Let the rickroll die.
A few years ago, it was merely a tool of the hardcore Internet demons, luring their friends into traps like “I found leaked photos of Heath Ledger as the Joker!” and rewarding their trust with a video of a one-hit wonder redheaded teen with a surprisingly urban voice.

The problem with Rick Astley’s siren song was that it broke the number one rule of being cool: being known by everyone.

This is a struggle for Internet memes, as it is their nature to spread quickly throughout the populace. It might seem selfish to want to keep such a thing to a small group, like an inside joke told on the playground.

The reason for this hoarding is when you lose control of the joke, it becomes contorted and twisted until it’s as worthless as used sandpaper lacking its bite. When your mother sends you a care package from home and you happily open the wrapping, only to find a picture of Rick Astley smiling at you, things have gone too far.

To be frank, I always particularly loathed this shtick. It is the Internet equivalent of the schoolyard classic “The Hand Circle Game.” If you don’t know what that is, search for it on Google Images and then have a friend punch you in the arm. You just lost.

I believe the successful life cycle of a viral joke is comparable to a monarch butterfly. It graces us with a wonderful display for a short time before withering away with the changing of time.

We either bury this monster now, or we risk seeing Rick on late night TV using his regained celebrity status to pitch Viagra. He’ll sing, “it will never give you up and never let you down.”