OK with dependence

From the day we are conceived, we need our parents. Once we are born, we continue to need them and enjoy the luxuries their income provides for us. At the same time, life’s speed bumps inevitably create tension with our parents. We get to college and the word “independent” goes to our heads. We assume that independent actually means independent of our parents.

Who are we trying to fool here?

This past week, campus has been crawling with more people older than 40 than you’d find at a Barry Manilow concert. These people have taken time off work, spent lots of money and traveled from every part of the country to make sure they can be here to help their children get settled into college. While it’s beautiful to watch how much they sincerely care as they crowd the aisles of Bed Bath & Beyond and Target, it poorly depicts independence.

We’re not independent. In fact, it’s likely that we never will be – nor should we be. As humans, we crave the familiarity of the people who are genetically connected to us and genuinely care about us. Even our parents seek advice and help from their own parents. But according to a recent special on “60 Minutes,” we’re different.

Our generation depends on our parents financially, emotionally and, in many cases, scholastically. Countless blogs provide outlets for professors to complain about students who run up to them at the end of a term with a cell phone in their hand and an indulgent parent on the line, ready to lobby for their child to get a better grade.  
Though there are many students on campus taking out loans and paying for their education by themselves, it’s safe to say most students depend on their parents in one way or another.

The concept of dependency sounds like a bad thing. The truth is, depending on our parents is part of growing up. We all think we’re ready for the real world because we don’t live under our parents’ rules, but they still know far more than we do. They are the ones who care enough about us to help us in any way they can. Unlike the generations before ours, we are still connected to our parents thanks to an electronic umbilical cord called a cell phone. The cell phone allows us constant access to the wisest and most helpful people we know. Though it might stifle our independence at times, it keeps us bonded to those who love us.

Of course, the college lifestyle gives us much more independence than living at home. But let’s face it, we’ve all had times where we longed for our parents’ fully stocked refrigerator – or the comfort of knowing that there are at least two people in this world who love us unconditionally. As the school year begins, we should continue aiming for independence while recognizing that letting go is a lifelong process. It’s OK to have the parental hotline on speed dial.