Elementary-level jokes for the middle-school crowd

Loads of films have been made about the college lifestyle, but most of them follow a similar formula. It’s apparent that Hollywood needs to go back to the drawing board, because we’ve all seen too many laugh-free “comedies” about high school seniors or college freshman discovering how we do things each weekend, all while learning something about themselves.

Unfortunately for viewers, the producers behind “College” didn’t feel this way and put together yet another rubbish rip-off.

“College” follows three high school seniors, the “normal” one Kevin (Drake Bell); the sloppy, fat one Carter (Andrew Caldwell); and the geeky, McLovin’ wannabe Morris (Kevin Covais) on their preview weekend trip to Fieldmont University. After they discover that they can’t stay in their assigned dorm, the guys make their way to a frat basement. The frat’s King Kong – Teague (Nick Zano) – allows them to stay, but only so he can haze them incessantly. Of course what follows is a weekend full of hysteria, hijinks and high times.
    
The most glaring problem with “College” is that there is simply no original thought displayed on the screen throughout its running time. Obviously, with a film like this, one expects every plot point’s conclusion to be abundantly clear when it’s introduced, and also that a few laughs will ensue. However, this film delivers no chuckles whatsoever, and instead hinges all its hopes on gross-out gags involving bodily fluids or homosexual tendencies.
      
The main performers aren’t that great, but “College” probably could have been even worse. Bell was much cooler in “Drake and Josh,” and most likely only took this job to scrub away at his “Nickelodeon” image. Ex-“American Idol” contestant Covais still looks 13 years old and still sucks. The rotund fellow, Caldwell, does his best with the typical “fat friend” jokes.
    
Although the film’s R rating allows for a fair amount of nudity, swear words and attempted sexual innuendos, “College” is simply not funny. The film should be titled “Middle School,” because those in that age group have to be the only people who enjoy this.