Breakup songs for the modern-age woman

Breakups. We’ve all been there, and it’s pretty darn uncomfortable.

There are many ways to cure the common illness we call disappointment. But instead of listening to the same sad, somber lullabies of Dido on repeat, perhaps you should pick something a bit friskier to pull you out of the funk.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m well aware of the fact that watching “The Way We Were” while drowning your sorrows in a tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream has yet to fail any woman’s broken heart. I also understand that making eyes with the blond hottie beside you in the basement of a frat house has the incredible ability to make you feel like $10 ($20, if you’re lucky).

However, allow me to give you a friendly suggestion: Boot the blond and cheer yourself up with tunes that will surely make you turn that frown upside down.

10. “Gimme One Reason” by Tracy Chapman: It might seem a bit emotional, but turn it up real loud and sing your little heart out. I promise, it’s the only cure.

9. “Piece Of My Heart” by Janis Joplin: “But I’m gonna show you, baby, that a woman can be tough.”

8. “Get Over It” by The Eagles: Not quite on topic, but it feels good to dance to. Besides, who doesn’t enjoy singing “your mama’s too thin; your daddy’s too fat, get over it?”

7. “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons: It’s true, “big girls don’t cry-yi-yi.”

6. “Criminal” by Fiona Apple: A bit too self-pitying, but let’s be honest – we’ve all been careless with a delicate man.

5. “Lola” by The Kinks: A little unorthodox for this playlist, but how can you go wrong when “girls will be boys and boys will be girls?”

4. “The Thrill Is Gone” by B.B. King: You’re free now baby, free from their spell.

3. “Think” by Aretha Franklin: That bodacious woman will teach you never to let your man walk over you.

2. “Another One Bites The Dust” by Queen: Freddie knew how to turn pain into beauty when he screamed, “how do you think I’m gonna get along, without you, when you’re gone.” The truth is, Freddie, you will be just fine.

1. “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood: Deface his car, deface his manhood.

So next time that wonderful piece of man you found at a party taking Jell-O shots by himself turns out to be a waste of air, don’t let him leave you in your own tears and snot. Just think, what would Aretha do?