A Golden Interview

After days of combing the NBC archives, I finally found what I was looking for. It is an interview that ran during the coverage of the 2008 Beijing Olympics. Because it aired at 5:36 a.m. during Oxygen’s coverage of rhythmic gymnastics, I doubt many of you saw it, so here’s the transcription:

Bob Costas: Hi, I’m Bob Costas, and you are watching 24-hour coverage of the Beijing Olympics. I bet you didn’t know Oxygen was a real station so I welcome you as a first-time viewer. But today, I am honored to have the opportunity to interview a talented young individual named Mike Abrams. Mike why don’t you tell the viewers a little bit about yourself.

Mike Abrams: Thanks Bobby. I wish I could be there with you in Beijing, but the Indiana Daily Student is too cheap to fly me out there. But about me ... I think you might have been the first person to call me talented. You didn’t mean in an athletic sense, did you?

BC: Not quite. So Mike, I’m assuming you’ve been watching the Olympics pretty thoroughly, given your job.

MA: Well, of course, Robert. I haven’t really done anything but watch coverage and play golf.

BC: That actually brings me to our first question. Do you think golf should be in the Olympics?

MA: Great point, B-Cizzle. I definitely think golf should be in the Olympics. The whole world seems to play, and international competition would be great. If they can call BMX an Olympic sport, why can’t golf be one?

BC: True. But now softball will be eliminated for the 2012 games in London. Thoughts?

MA: I think it’s a disgrace. Is trampoline really more of a sport than softball? What about dancing with a hula-hoop? BMX biking? My friend even watched a track and field event called race walking where people speed walk around the track. How can you remove a real sport like softball for some of these “sports?”

BC: So you didn’t enjoy the trampoline?

MA: No. They jump for a minute to get height and then flip 10 times and then stop. How is that a sport? However, I do wish I had known about this event earlier in my life. That way every time my parents yelled at me for jumping on my bed, I would be able to retort, “I’m just training for the Olympics!”

BC: OK. So forgetting the trampoline competition, what did you enjoy most about the Olympics?

MA: I loved most of the rest. The Chinese did a phenomenal job with their showmanship, and every aspect looked great on TV. It was a joy watching Michael Phelps win every race in a multitude of different manners while doing it all very respectfully and eloquently. It was a joy watching the USA basketball teams, both men and women, dominate like they should be doing. The women’s gymnastics was quite entertaining, but what I really enjoyed was watching Usain Bolt jog his way into history. I say lightning, Usain Bolt.

BC: So you didn’t think he was being disrespectful to his competition by showing off?

MA: If I could make a world record look that easy, I’d be dancing my way to the finish, too. Fortunately for Usain, I don’t like to run.

BC: Well, Mike, it has been a pleasure having you. Describing you as talented was an understatement. Do you have any parting words?

MA: Thanks for having me on your show, Bobert, and yes, I do have some parting words. I would like to wish the Chinese women’s gold-medal-winning gymnastics team members best of luck at their first day of sixth grade.