Dangerous driving

My friend Ina recently informed me that it is now illegal to talk on your cell phone while driving in the state of Indiana. I passed this information along to several friends, and their shock and outrage made me think this would soon become a pretty hot issue.
But when I looked the law up online just now to learn what my inevitable punishment would be for continuing this behavior, I learned that no such law exists. To give Ina the benefit of the doubt, she was probably given faulty information. Or maybe she made it up on purpose because it scares her when I subconsciously veer into lanes of oncoming traffic whenever I answer my phone while driving.

Either way, this lack of law is good news because it gives me one less reason to avoid the cops when I’m doing 90 down the interstate while barefoot, texting, and driving a vehicle with expired license plates. But it was also bad news because I had already wasted a decent portion of my week thinking up arguments against this restriction. Plus it probably causes a lot of fatal crashes and stuff.

But because I did learn that using a hand-held is a secondary offense in Utah (if you commit a driving-related offense other than speeding while on a cellphone, you get a ticket for using a cellphone, too), I’m just going to write the rest of this pretending that I’m a Utahn (That’s what they’re called – I looked that up too.). Here we go.

We’re not allowed to use our cell phones while we drive anymore? This is an outrage! Why are they banning this when there are much more dangerous driving behaviors out there they should be cracking down on? I know that driving while talking certainly isn’t the most dangerous thing I’ve done behind the wheel.

I’ve been known to change pants at red lights, if I just got off work and am heading to a restaurant or party or something. This has found me in positions that compromise my driving abilities far more than holding any cellular device ever has. I could accept a pants-changing ban; it’s a habit I want to break anyway.

On the way to prom senior year, my date and I played a game to see how long we could look at each other before one of us got nervous and had to check the road. I think that thrilling little game is worthy of a strictly-enforced ban. While we’re at it, 18-year-olds really have no business driving at all. Or anyone in formalwear, for that matter. Too distracting.

Yesterday when my boyfriend was driving me home he suddenly announced that he was tired, so he reclined his seat all the way back and left me with no choice but to take over the wheel. At any point, it was only seconds away from ending badly. I don’t think I’m alone when I say I’d like to finally see some legislation about that.

So maybe Utahn lawmakers should consider the real behind-the-wheel dangers before taking away our cell phone privileges.

Until then, I’m moving to Indiana.