Job emergency

A few things have been happening lately that make me realize it’s probably time for me to find a summer job.\nFirst of all, I find myself becoming emotionally invested in VH1 reality shows. Yesterday I caught the finale of a show called “I Know My Kid’s A Star,” where jaded young girls, supervised by their horrid stage mothers, live in a house together and compete for a Hollywood contract. By the final competition only two mother-daughter pairs were left. Each 9-year-old had one last chance to come out on stage, dressed like a burnt-out hooker, to belt out a song about infidelity and heartbreak. One of the girls was clearly more talented than the other but had a witch of a mom. The other girl had the voice of a squeaky hamster wheel, but her mom told her she’d love her even if she didn’t win. After the performances, the judge announced that the girl with the voice of the hamster wheel was the winner because, unlike the other contestant, she had a kind mother who could successfully navigate her through the horrors of show business with her maternal love and encouragement. The mom hugged her daughter and shouted “I’m so proud of you!” The daughter, dressed in knee-high boots and a leopard-print mini skirt, sobbed into her mom’s shoulder and said, “I just never stopped being myself!” For some reason that escapes me at the moment, this struck me as really touching, poetic almost, and I actually started to cry. It was concerning. I wasn’t even menstrual.\nAnother reason I know it’s time to find a job is because I have already completed my summer reading list and am currently reading and re-reading all eight of my high-school diaries. Every momentous thought ever to pass through my mind over the course of four years was recorded with impressive dedication. Favorite excerpts include “I will throw myself in front of traffic before letting my parents make me go to college,” “I know how it sounds, but this is deeper than typical high school drama” and “He’s my boyfriend so I don’t understand why he won’t acknowledge me in the hallways.”\nFinally, I’m pretty sure it’s time to get a job when I find myself engaging in activities that could potentially label me a pedophile. Today I walked to my old elementary school and started playing on the swings and watching the little children. At some point it occurred to me that I am kind of creepy and could get reported. But I felt a little less weird about being there when I noticed a few other people on the swings who looked like they might be about my age too. I looked at them and they looked back at me and I thought we shared an understanding that we were all just bored and not perverted. But maybe I misread the situation because then one of them called their dad to come pick them up.\nSo does anyone know where I can get a job? It’s kind of an emergency.