Indiana is important

As a native Hoosier, it feels great to know that Indiana was so important in this year’s primary elections. I saw a story about Indiana’s primary election on the first page of BBC.com on Monday. I’m pretty sure that’s the first time Indiana has ever been on BBC.com. \nHooray! \nWe should all take a moment to pat ourselves on the back for being so important. OK, done? Great! Because we have bigger fish to fry. Literally, in many instances. \nIt’s important, in light of the primary elections and the attention they are bringing to our great state, to make sure you remember Indiana’s other hugely important summertime events. As many of you have probably completely forgotten, Indiana has countless newsworthy events that will occur this summer. \nFirst, the state fair is extremely important. Not only is it a classic throwback to the days when teenagers ate cheeseburgers and milk shakes all the time and there wasn’t any sort of obesity “epidemic” “plaguing” our “great” “nation,” it is also fun when animals win ribbons. The state fair is extremely important in distinguishing Indiana as special – without the help of the primaries. Little-known fact: Not all states have fairs as good as Indiana’s. Some of them even suck. I know someone from New York, and he doesn’t even know whether they have a state fair at all. I also know someone from Florida, and he once said he thought their state fair took place in the fall. Littler-known fact: My Mom once went to the Massachusetts state fair and said it was just crafts. No fried foods or anything – just crafts. If I were from Massachusetts, that would make me ashamed to be from Massachusetts. \nAlso, Indiana has county fairs.\nThird, Indiana plays host to the Indianapolis 500. Regarding the Indy 500, Germany’s Oktoberfest can just cool it with their claims of heavy drinking, if you ask me. The 500 is a better event for drinkers everywhere. And most importantly, it puts Indiana on the cultural map of the world. And it has nothing to do with the primaries. It is also important to note that it is an automobile race.\nHm. Other than that Indiana has ... lots of other great stuff! There’s a strawberry shortcake festival here in Bloomington. And, um, my neighborhood in Indianapolis has an ice-cream social every year. It’s pretty fun. One time the kid who lives next door to me chased my dog around during it, though. That wasn’t cool. \nWhoo, uh. Yep. Guess that’s about it ... so, somehow all the things I listed had to do with food. That’s fun. Food and men in tank tops. I didn’t mention the tank tops specifically but, you know, you always see them at these types of events. \nSo...\nOK, I give up. The primary elections are pretty much the most important thing that ever has and ever will happen in Indiana.