Oncourse, of course

I haven’t been able to find anything I need on the new Oncourse. Every time I log in to look for something, I end up getting distracted by all the new photographs of peppy college students engaging in various learning-related activities. I just sit there and hit “refresh” until I have viewed them all enough times to be able to fantasize that these people are my real-life friends. These kids, whoever they are, are truly having the ultimate college experience.\nIn the photo for the word “Connected,” a guy completely disconnected from all civilization, humanity and matter is holding a laptop and floating in the pure white air of a parallel universe where space and time do not exist. I’m not sure where on campus this vacuum is, but I’m going to look into it because apparently it gets free Wi-Fi. If I had to guess, I would say it is probably located on one of the upper floors of the Wells Library because time and space don’t really seem to exist there either. due to the lack of clocks and windows.\nIn the photo accompanying the word “Interaction,” a sorority beauty queen is enthusiastically sharing a computer with a computer geek who has clearly never before interacted with a woman who was not either related to him or a character in an Anime video game. This picture represents IU in a nutshell because college is all about new experiences, and greek life is all about reaching out and accepting others for who they are.\nIn another picture, a girl in a cocktail dress and a boy in a blue-collared shirt are lying out in the perfect grass and laughing beneath the warm summer sun. I know what you’re thinking: just another typical afternoon at IU. But if you hit “refresh,” the next picture you get is of this same couple sitting up in this same meadow, but this time the guy’s shirt is completely unbuttoned and a bald man in short shorts is now sitting beside them pointing to his crotch and grinning. I’m going to request that Oncourse post a third photo to account for what took place in the time between these \ntwo shots.\nAll in all, Oncourse has done a pretty good job of highlighting life at the University. Accessing e-mail from inside a vacuum, illicit love affairs between sorority sisters and “techies” and the occasional threesome on the lawn are all obviously very important in our day-to-day lives here at IU. \nThere are just a few scenarios that I would suggest Oncourse add to more wholly represent college life. I would like to see a photo of a student slipping on an ice patch as her umbrella gets blown inside out and a nearby vehicle speeds through a puddle splashing her with brownish muck. I would like to see a picture of a frightened freshman pressed up against the dashboard of the A bus because the other passengers refuse to move to the back. Lastly, I envision a panorama shot of sleeping bodies littering the Indiana Memorial Union like abandoned carcasses.