If you can’t trade them, jail them

Marion County prosecutors had an opportunity to do what Larry Bird has only dreamed of.\nJamaal Tinsley and Marquis Daniels were nice enough to take a 20-minute break from destroying the Indiana Pacers franchise Monday afternoon to appear in a Marion County courtroom.\nThe two faced a slew of charges from a 2007 bar fight where, among other things, Tinsley threatened to kill the bar’s manager. But much like the past two seasons, Tinsley and Daniels were able to brush aside any wrongdoing, which included a felony charge of intimidation and myriad of misdemeanors, and walk free.\nTinsley, the mastermind of the idiocy, potentially faced up to four years in prison. Four years that would have kept him out of Indy’s backcourt and in a cell for the rest of his miserable, senseless life. Er, I mean contract. According to the police report, Tinsley threatened the 8 Seconds Saloon manager’s life before punching him and knocking him to his knees. \nDemonstrating the versatility and rebounding skills Larry Bird once envisioned in him, Daniels picked up where Tinsley left off, striking the man repeatedly in the face. I wish Daniels showed that kind of passion on the court instead of his typical deadpan stare off into the distance.\nBut instead of locking up two of the Pacers’ worst, Marion County prosecutors (synonymous with incompetent), let the two go on the condition they stay out of trouble for the next two years. \nWait, what?\nDid the prosecution make Tinsley and Daniels promise? How about a pinkie swear? Do crosses count? What was it exactly about Tinsley’s checkered past that made him seem trustworthy? And why two years? Why not three? What kind of ridiculous Mickey Mouse resolution is this?\nOn top of “good behavior,” the two Pacers were also sentenced to 32 hours of community service each. On a side note, remind me to commit some heinous crime next time I make the trip north to Indy – I like my chances.\nInstead of doing the community a disservice and letting Tinsley and Daniels “help out” (do you think they’d give a lecture on guns or strip clubs?), I think Marion County should just give the two Pacers 32 hours total.\n32 hours to pack your things and get the hell out of Indianapolis. Don’t stop when you reach the state line, don’t affiliate yourself with the blue and gold, and don’t ever, ever come back.\nYou’ve been more embarrassing than Elliot Spitzer. You’ve caused more problems than pollution, famine and poverty combined. You’re as distracting as a sorority girl in a lecture hall. The only thing that is keeping Bird from giving you a good ol’ French Lick-ing is the fact that your trade value is lower than Bear Stearns. I would complain about your play, too, except for the fact that you’ve made a habit out of wearing dress clothes to games rather than a jersey. \nThe Pacers have been on an uncontrollable downward spiral ever since The Brawl in 2004. They traded away the two biggest problem makers – Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson – only to breed others. I’m looking at you, Shawne Williams and David Harrison. \nWilliams one-upped Daniels last month in a contest of who could make Bird and Donnie Walsh gray faster. Only a few days after a rape was reported at Daniels’ home, Williams was found to be harboring a 20-year-old man with an outstanding murder warrant in Tennessee. Just in case there was any confusion about the two’s relationship, the murderer was arrested after leaving Williams’ house driving a car registered to the Pacer!\nThings have reached a Spears-like bottom in Indianapolis. Then again, that is exactly what Pacer fans told themselves two years ago. Things are so bad, I have yet to even mention how miserable their play on the court has been (25-41 with little chance of landing a top-5 pick). \nBut until the Pacers can clean up their mess off the court, nobody will care how they do on it. You can’t root for a team that literally puts the community in danger on a daily basis. \nPacers co-owner Herb Simon said his team will consider making changes to “everything but the owner right now,” and I would do just that. No matter the cost, no matter the salary cap ramifications – get rid of the bums like Tinsley, Daniels and Williams.\nUnfortuantely, the prosecution has rested. It’s up to you, Larry.