Rock(y) the vote!

Since the beginning of elections, an important gauge of a candidate’s legitimacy for public office is the number and quality of endorsements he or she can rack up. If a candidate has the backing of more respected endorsers than his or her opponent, that can often translate into momentum and votes.\nThis is obviously a major reason why Mike Huckabee won the Iowa caucus – he had the backing of the one and only Chuck Norris.\nYes, endorsement fever has spread beyond just respected politicians and public figures like Sen. Ted Kennedy and Oprah Winfrey into the realm of Hollywood celebrities. Aside from the undisputed American king of martial arts, Sylvester Stallone, Rambo himself, has declared his support for Sen. John McCain.\nHis rationale? \n“The script that’s being written and reality is pretty brutal and pretty hard-edged like a rough action film, and you need somebody who’s been in that to deal with it,” Stallone said.\nClearly, the celebrity endorsement presents an issue: Most celebrities don’t know all that much about the candidates or the issues. After all, if we were choosing a president based on who would be the best in an action film, the front-runner would be Jason Bourne – er, Matt Damon – not a 71-year-old senator like McCain.\nIn all seriousness, though, these people aren’t the most qualified to make these decisions. They obviously have the right to choose a candidate to back, but anyone whose voting preferences are affected by the likes of Stallone, a guy whose roles ranged from Rocky to Rambo, desperately needs to reassess his life.\nFor the general public, it would be a better idea to listen to the judgment of more informed political minds, like the aforementioned Sen. Kennedy, or a more well-informed and active celebrity, like Bono, or even his guitarist, whom fans call The Edge. Even the most involved celebrities, though, don’t know nearly enough to be fully trusted.\nOr, just maybe, people could actually study the candidates’ stances on issues and political histories and make decisions for themselves. It is frightening that the nation’s fascination with celebrities is starting to seep into the political realm, even if, for the time being, it seems the most highly involved names are Rocky and Walker, Texas Ranger.\nThere is another option, though, one that Stallone and Norris (and maybe Damon) would no doubt support. The current primary system is essentially a four-month long bloodbath nowadays, and it at times can seem pretty convoluted. It would make matters much easier to assemble the nation’s foremost martial arts film stars and have them engage in a tournament to decide the next president of the United States. Who wouldn’t trust giants such as Norris, Stallone, Steven Seagal and David Carradine with the future of our nation?\nIf America wants change, maybe the best formula would involve an explosives-tipped arrow. Dick Cheney would be so proud.