Let's talk about sex

This is my first column as an opinion writer, and therefore I’ve felt a lot of pressure to pick the right topic and make you think I’m intelligent, or at the very least, convince you that I’m super funny and attractive so you’ll continue reading my column. But the topic I want to pursue today, luckily for me, pretty much sells itself. So, to quote the scholarly source of Salt N’ Pepa circa 1990: Let’s talk about sex, baby.\nBut where to begin? It’s hard to tease out because sex is everywhere: on the Internet, in the media, in the Wells Library and perhaps in your head during boring lectures. But besides being a bundle of raging hormones, we’re also human beings with feelings. And feelings can muddle up this whole sex thing, either for the good or for the bad. Because sometimes, every once in a while, a little thing called love can enter the equation.\nLove is a tricky thing. Sometimes you think you’re in love only to realize that you’re just drunk. Sometimes the other person doesn’t love you. And sometimes you love people as far as you understand the meaning of love in the context of your life and they love you back as best as they understand it as well. \nThere is an identifiable link we’ve all experienced in some form between love and sex. As another scholar, Woody Allen, once said: “Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.” We all want someone to be with, sometimes just for a night. But sometimes (hopefully) we’d prefer someone long-term whom we deeply care about and who cares for us. But how do we find this person? What are we all looking for that can make this sex thing sometimes so easy and this love thing sometimes so impossible to find on a campus with about 40,000 students presumably looking for something similar?\nThe answer isn’t simple. Studies in human sexuality have long attempted to discover who and what attracts us. Some researchers have posed the mere exposure theory, claiming that we’re attracted to people we interact with frequently. The more positive or interesting the person is, the more we become attracted to them. There are biological theories stating that it’s all really about reproducing and survival of the fittest, so a male who provides and appears strong attracts a woman, and a woman who is young and fit attracts a man. The biology is evident in modern stereotypes, where males have to financially provide and be successful, while for females the emphasis is on appearance. \nSure these answers make sense, and there are plenty more theories you can look up. (Check out the Kinsey Institute’s Web site, kinseyinstitute.org.) But the point is, as you already know, in terms of love and sex, there are no rules, just positions. There’s no magic place to find love, only match.com and local bars. Ultimately, love and sex are universal human conditions and something we all desire – kind of equalizers regardless of race, sexual orientation, class, etc. We all want to be with someone. And as long as it’s not Ben or Jerry, we still might be all right.