I have a dream

Two score and four years ago, Martin Luther King Jr. made a memorable speech. The United States honored this great leader by taking Monday off. We as a nation have dedicated the entire week to honor this great man.\nBut, three days later, we must face the tragic fact that I still had to write a column. Three days later, I still had to come up with some sort of nonsense to print in this publication. Three days later, I still had to try to entertain my beloved readers.\nI am mindful that some of you read this through great trials and tribulations. Some of you come from areas where reading is frowned upon, while others generally just don’t like reading my columns. But I ask you to continue to have faith.\nGo back to Foster, go back to Teter, go back to Hoosier Courts or go back to your fraternity knowing that somehow, this situation can, and will be changed.\nI say to you today, my dear readers, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream.\nI have a dream that one day the NHL will be back on ESPN and people will again care about hockey.\nI have a dream that one day we will all realize that the true meaning of the Mitchell Report is not about steroid abuse in baseball. Rather, the report’s true meaning is about the overdosing of Pez and which dispenser leads to the most homeruns in baseball. \nI have a dream that one day Nintendo Wii Sports will have a professional bowling league. \nI have a dream today. \nI have a dream that one day Cooper Manning will be in more commercials than both his brothers combined.\nI have a dream that one day Adam “Pacman” Jones will be permanently banned from all strip clubs and will instead “make it rain” at homeless shelters to help the poor.\nI have a dream that one day John Daly will win a major tournament and NOT blow the money at the casinos on slots and alcohol.\nI have a dream that one day Air Bud will play for the New York Knicks and unite that group of selfish players with a simple game of fetch.\nI have a dream today.\nI have a dream that one day O.J. Simpson will leave court a rejuvenated man to become the spokesperson for the Pro-Life Action League because he will know killing is unacceptable.\nI have a dream today.\nThis is my hope. This is the faith to which I return to my couch to take a nap. And if this column is to be a great column, this must come true. So let the freedom of Straight Bidness ring from the hardwood floor of Assembly Hall.\nLet freedom ring from the snowcapped arches of the Sample Gates!\nLet freedom ring from the drunken student-filled streets of Kirkwood Avenue!\nWhen we let freedom ring, we will have all read this column and we will be free to do better things with our time. We will all join hands and thank Dr. King that we are free at last!