What does an award mean these days?\nParents have to dedicate entire rooms in their houses for their child athletes’ trophies. In college football, so many organizations dole out petty achievements that anyone who moves a pinky toe at least gets a nomination. The only thing worse than the abundance of meaningless hardware is the sub-par acceptance speeches that usually follow. \nAustin Starr alone has a realistic chance at winning three awards this off-season. Already selected as an Academic All-American, Starr is also in the running for the Lou Groza Award and his kick in the Bucket game is nominated for the Pontiac Game Changing Performance of the Year.\nAnd that’s just the kicker.\nFeeling the need to dish out even more awards, the Hoosiers held their annual football banquet two weeks ago where a whopping 27 different people were honored. \nBut it wasn’t just the typical team MVP and leadership awards. The Hoosiers presented a myriad of awards you’ve never heard of, including the Don Howell Award to fifth-year senior John Sandberg for most outstanding offensive lineman. Even more obscure, senior kicker Kevin Trulock came away with the Ted Whereatt Award for academic excellence.\nSince I couldn’t make it to the banquet, I decided to present a couple of my own meaningless awards to deserving Hoosiers who aren’t always in the spotlight. And please Hoosiers, keep the “thank-you’s” to a minimum.
‘The Bo Jackson Award’ – sophomore wide receiver Andrew Means\nOutside of that 6-foot-7 guy preparing for the NFL combine, Means was IU’s best possession receiver this season. On top of that, he’s the baseball team’s starting center fielder and hit .369 last season. Even better, he has two healthy hips.
‘The Star 69 Award’ – junior running back Marcus Thigpen\nThe fastest man in Bloomington can’t outrun a yellow flag. It seems like no player in all of college football had more big plays called back than Thigpen this season. I wonder how much Thigpen hates the phrase “block in the back.”
‘The TruWarier Trophy’ – junior wide receiver James Bailey\nBailey receives this prestigious award that shares the same namesake as Ron Artest’s record company. As you might recall, Artest once infamously requested time off from the Indiana Pacers to work on his rap album. And while I don’t know if Bailey has flow, he did miss significant time in fall practice to attend a friend’s wedding. The icing on the cake came during the Iowa game, which he was suspended for after violating an unspecified team rule. My guess? He forgot to touch The Rock.
‘The Stan Marsh Trooper Award’ – senior offensive lineman Charlie Emerson\nFor someone who doesn’t get a lot of false start penalties, Charlie Emerson sure gets nervous before games. According to Kellen Lewis, Emerson loosens up before the game by emptying the contents of his stomach. Hint: the exit door is his esophagus.
‘The Northface Jacket Award’ – senior defensive lineman Joe Kremer\nThank Kremer for starting the biggest trend on IU’s campus outside of the painfully popular fleeces. Can you participate in greek life without one? You couldn’t stand in IU’s student section the last few home games without imitating IU’s defense. The players began pumping their arms simultaneously in the air up and down. I don’t know if they are getting jacked up or raising the roof or pulling down the sky, bottom line is that Kremer started it.
‘The Pepper Pot’ – sophomore wide receiver Ray Fisher\nIf I told you I gave out this trophy for anything besides Fisher’s height would you believe me? Didn’t think so.
‘The World B. Free/God Shammgod Tribute’\n – freshman defensive lineman Deonte Mack and junior offensive lineman Kenny Love\nSome people were made to play football. Others were named to play football.
If you have any of your own meaningless awards to dish out, click over to “Under The Rock” (www.idsnews.com/blogs/undertherock) to post your favorites. The person who comes up with the best fake award will be presented with the “Best Fake Award” award.
Obligatory Bowl Prediction: Insight Bowl – IU vs. Colorado
