Sugar free is the way to be

Allow me to share an anecdote. On a road trip this summer, my older sister and I pulled over for coffee and pancakes at a Waffle House in Alabama. Straight up, she put about six spoonfuls of sugar in her coffee. This is not acceptable behavior for an adult. That is all. \nUnfortunately, too many members of our generation are failing to realize this and are mixing obnoxious amounts of sugar into their coffee. I, as a true coffee drinker, find this behavior personally and morally offensive. If these persons want to drink hot chocolate, they may do so. However, taking a perfectly good cup of coffee and essentially turning it into hot chocolate is immature and uncalled for. \nCollege students everywhere who are teetering on the edge of adulthood need to take a step in the right direction and stop putting so much godforsaken sugar in their coffees. No legitimate adult puts more than two packets of sugar in a cup of coffee, and that is fact. \nDo you think George W. Bush could get away with dumping six spoonfuls of sugar into his coffee? No. He would get impeached for that. \nRegardless, this phenomenon is legitimate and needs to be addressed, unfortunate as it is. \nOne possible explanation for this sugar buzz trend so popular among America’s young adults is the growing hipness of coffee shops and coffee itself. Hanging out in coffee shops is a very socially acceptable way to spend one’s time in the post-9/11 world. Those who don’t actually like coffee are finding themselves lost at sea. \nLike damaged youths, they deal with their frustrations by acting out. \nThese coffee imposters try to cope with their isolation in two primary ways. The first, as I mentioned earlier, is to load their coffees with heaping spoonfuls of sugar so that it masquerades as real-people coffee. The second is to refer to drinks that aren’t coffee as “coffee” in conversation. \n“Time for a coffee break, LADIES!!!”; “Oh my God, I so need a coffee if I’m going to finish my LAMP project, LOL!!!”; and, “Oh this paper cup in my hand? It’s a cup of coffee” are phrases I hear on a daily basis. Who do I hear them from most often? Sorority girls holding cups of mocha lattes, Frappuccinos and caramel macchiatos. \nThey do this when I am at the counter of a coffee shop, filling my coffee cup with an acceptable amount of sugar (one packet) and milk (a few teaspoons or whatever). They do this in an attempt to equate their pitiful charade with my professional, adult acceptance of coffee as it is. \nAnd they need to cut it out.\nYoung ladies and gentlemen, the time has come to make a choice. To choose a side. Adulthood or sweets. Good or evil. To quote the great Bob Dylan: “The times, they are a-changin’.” If you don’t stop messing around with your pathetic make-believe world, the real one will leave you in the dust.\nThis is a big deal.