Jeri for first lady

You’ve heard all about the presidential candidates. But before picking a favorite, you may want to consider who you want for first spouse. Here’s a little information to help you get to know some of them.\nFirst up is Michelle Obama ... bad idea. In May, Mrs. Obama said on national TV: “I’ve got a loud mouth.” We all know what happened the last time a Democratic president with a loud-mouth wife was elected, and as a wise fellow said, “Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” Additionally, many liberals see a “scandal” in Mrs. Obama’s recent past: She worked for a company that sold pickles to Wal-Mart. Liberals hate Wal-Mart almost as much as tax cuts, and Michelle’s husband, Barack Obama, has repeatedly criticized the retail giant (which, incidentally, helps the poor by providing “everyday low prices”). Leave it to Democrats to view any association with Wal-Mart – one of the greatest examples of American success – as a liability.\nElizabeth Edwards, wife of John Edwards, has one overriding character flaw: She married John Edwards. I’m sure no one will disagree that it’d be highly irresponsible to allow a woman with such poor judgment to be the most intimate friend and confidant to the world’s most powerful man. \nDennis Kucinich’s wife, another Elizabeth, maintains a blog on her husband’s campaign Web site. On March 24 she wrote, “We mourn the destruction, the ecocide” that occurred as a result of the Iraq invasion. Anyone concerned about “ecocide” in Iraq would probably make a great first lady of the People’s Republic of San Francisco, but not of the United States.\nMitt Romney’s wife, Ann, seems nice enough, but many Americans are uncomfortable with the possibility of second, third and fourth ladies if a Mormon is elected president.\nOf course, if Hillary Clinton’s elected, we won’t even have a first lady – we’ll have a first ladies’ man. While a second Clinton presidency would undoubtedly provide four to eight years of priceless joke material, isn’t it best just to let lying dogs sleep? Do we really want the White House to become the Frat House? If Bill once again had the power and prestige of the White House but limitless free time, Viagra’s profits would rise faster than ... well, you know. Let’s just say that Big Oil would quickly be replaced by Big Little Blue Pills at the top of Hillary’s list of industries to nationalize.\nHowever, former senator Fred Thompson’s wife, Jeri, seems to have the makings of a great first lady. She has the calm, quiet supportiveness of Laura Bush, but without the stuffy librarian image. She also has another very desirable quality: She’s a babe. If Jeri Thompson becomes first lady, she’ll go down in history alongside such other beautiful Republican women as Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Peggy Noonan and Laura Ingraham. And perhaps most importantly, we definitely won’t have to worry about her making a run for the Oval Office after her husband’s exit. \nSo as you gear up for ’08, remember: Jeri Thompson for first lady!