Can I get an amen?

Attention, Jews: Ann Coulter, the strongest case for the abolition of the First Amendment and the self-proclaimed voice of American conservatism, thinks you have some room for improvement. In fact, last week on Donny Deutsch’s CNBC show, “The Big Idea,” Coulter declared exactly what you have to do to make said improvements – convert to Christianity.\nShocking, but not surprising. After all, Coulter paid IU a visit not too long ago to spew her usual ignorant message of hate and intolerance. Her appearance on “The Big Idea” was no different in that regard, but this time she didn’t waste her time calling any audience members “gay boy.” Instead, she laid it out plain and simple: America would be a better place if everyone was Christian.\nAlthough Coulter is renowned for being an outrageous caricature, I am intrigued by this idea. What would America be like if everyone was Christian? I suspect that this fantasy, a longstanding wet dream of conservatives everywhere, would not turn out quite like Coulter and her mindless minions would hope.\nBefore I begin, I should clarify what “Christianity” actually means. I am not referring to the Bible-wielding con artist, the pedophile priest or the hypocritical mega-preacher who publicly admonishes homosexuality but has gay sex with his meth dealer in assumed privacy. No, I am referring to the original message of love and acceptance laid down by Jesus, with “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” as its cornerstone. \nThis principle is often cast aside in favor of the abrasive, judgmental rhetoric that has come to define Christianity in the recent past. However, if everyone in America were truly Christian, this sort of thing would not exist. Jesus taught his followers not to judge lest they be judged. If that is the case, Coulter must be on the fast track to an appearance in front of the divine Supreme Court. \nIf all Americans were true Christians, real progress would be made toward eliminating poverty and helping those in need. Charity was another key element of Jesus’ teachings, yet today most conservatives want the government to do less to help the poor, opting instead to refund taxes to the richest of the rich. There would be no place for such policy in a Christian America. Jesus taught us that if we give, we will receive.\nIn Christian America, the scathing, punitive approach that conservatives take toward so many issues could not exist. Jesus said that the merciful will obtain mercy, so the death penalty would have to go. I imagine stem cell research would flourish as well, given its healing potential. Jesus also promised that peacemakers would be called the children of God. In Christian America, war simply would not be waged at a lunatic’s every whim.\nWhile this fantasy world may sound nice, the main problem is that it excludes the countless other faiths represented in the American population. The problem is not that there are not enough Christians in America; it’s that America’s Christians are not Christian enough.