You hear that echo, Mr. Gordon?

Pssst. Eric Gordon.\nYeah, you, Mr. North Central basketball star. Heard you came to Bloomington last weekend -- unofficially, of course. Heard you chatted with coach Kelvin Sampson and even grabbed a couple bites at Yogi's. Been thinking about trying on a pair of candy-striped pants?\nI know you made that verbal thing-a-ma-bob with Illinois earlier this year, but things were a lot different then. So much different. We were going through a rough time then. We're better now. Besides, Illinois, IU -- the schools are practically mirror images of each other, at least on the surface. Let me prove it to you.\nWe play football in Memorial Stadium. Yep, just like the Illini, not to mention six other NCAA Division I schools. Like Illinois, we house a rock on the north side of our stadium. Now, our rock is fairly new. It still has that just-out-of-the-quarry look to it. Illinois? They have the Grange Rock, named after the Hall of Fame running back of the 1920s, Red Grange. Their rock lost the look decades ago, before "The Galloping Ghost" passed into the afterlife. Our rock remains spotless and nameless. Maybe we could name it after you. \nAnd you know what the two rocks have in common? They're both made out of Indiana limestone. In fact, Indiana limestone supports the entire stadium in Champaign. Only the best, Eric. Only the best.\nMascot woes, we've got that too. Actually, we don't even have a mascot, but the way things have been going for Chief Illiniwek, Illinois may soon be in the same boat -- er, canoe -- as us. Some people find the chief's native garb and halftime dances offensive, including the NCAA. They won't even let Illinois host any post-season athletic events because of him. Who knows how long the peace pipe will last for Illiniwek? \nHere, we don't even bother to come up with a Hoosier mascot. Yes, there have been some short-lived mascots in the past, but in the end we would rather lavish our attention on the athletes than some over-zealous college kid who learned a rain dance at Boy Scout camp. Is that so wrong?\nYou're playing in Assembly Hall, Mr. Gordon. Now will it be in Champaign or Bloomington? Our Assembly Hall looks like a Viking ship, sailing in uncharted waters. It was built in 1972, the year that President Nixon made his historic visit to China. Their Assembly Hall looks like it crash-landed in Roswell, N.M., in the 1950s. It was built in 1963, the year President Kennedy was assassinated. Never underestimate the value of karma. \nNow, we don't have a student section in Assembly Hall like our orange and blue counterparts. I assure you, we know how to make the rafters shake. Maybe you heard our echo from your Indianapolis home last Nov. 30 when we took on Duke. We could have used a guy like you in that game.\nSo you see, Eric Gordon, we check out where it matters most. Come play with us. If that doesn't convince you, I'll let you in on something that's not so secret: Our cheerleaders are cuter.