Who in the world is Juice?

Make way for the new evil empire. Purdue is yesterday’s news; Kentucky is irrelevant. The Hoosiers’ new nemesis is wrapped in blue with a big, ugly orange ribbon on top: the University of Illinois.\nThe Fighting Illini are more than just border enemies; they are sworn enemies. \nDon’t feel guilty. If you had any idea how mutual the feeling is, you would defend Eric Gordon’s dorm like a sixth NCAA championship depended on it. On Saturday, greet Drink (quarterback Juice) Williams and the Fighting Illini like you would mandatory Saturday night classes. \nFor most of the last half-century, Hoosier fans have battled Purdue and Kentucky fans in the realm of sports. And although those rivalries are alive, they just don’t mean as much to people in Bloomington as they used to.\nThe spawn of new rivalries is healthy. Nobody would have gone to the last 13 Rocky movies if Sylvester Stallone fought Apollo Creed in every one. That’s why fresh rivalries pop up everyday: 50 Cent vs. Kanye, Michigan vs. Appalachian State, New England vs. San Diego, to name a few. \nThis season, the Hoosiers have squared off against the Sycamores, the Broncos and the Zips. At this point, Hoosier fans should be oozing at the mouth for an opponent that can fill an entire roster and owns more than one football. \nIllinois is the perfect, sexy new rival: we’re in the same conference, close by, in possession of football and basketball facilities with the same names (Memorial Stadium and Assembly Hall) and similar enough in size to be consistently competitive.\nIf you’re lacking motivation to despise Illinois, take a better look at the two-headed monster of their athletic program: Bruce Weber and Drink Williams. I could have sworn Chris Crocker was impersonating Weber when I saw him defending Britney Spears on YouTube.com. I can totally imagine Weber bellowing, “Leave Chief Illiniwek alone!”\nAs for Williams, he is a poor man’s Kellen Lewis. Both are sophomore quarterbacks, so people like to compare the two, when in fact it’s like comparing a Kia and a BMW. Lewis is ahead of Williams in every conceivable statistic: completions, completion percentage, passing yards, touchdowns thrown, quarterback rating, rushing yards and rushing touchdowns to name a few. \nAs for originality, Williams isn’t even the only player on Illinois’ squad that goes by “Juice” (safety Kevin Mitchell goes by the same moniker). What’s so attractive about the nickname? Do you remember the last popular football player nicknamed “Juice?” He just got arrested ... again!\nDrink Williams’ nickname dates back to his birth, when his grandmother coined him “Juice” because of his size (13 pounds and eight ounces). On an equally rational note, when I was born, my grandma nicknamed me “Blondie” because of my curly brown hair.\nAs of today, forget the Boilermakers until later in the season, and don’t pay attention to UK. On Saturday, watch the Hoosiers squeeze the juice from the Fighting Illini, and let it mark the first day of a new rivalry.\nPrediction: IU 31, Illinois 28