Ballroom billionaire

If there is one person who has no problems putting his money where his mouth is, it is Mark Cuban. But can he put his feet there, too?\nI guess we will find out. And maybe we will get some laughs in the process. \nCuban, an IU alumnus and current owner of the Dallas Mavericks, is one of many gearing up to participate in the fifth season of ABC's "Dancing With the Stars." The cast includes some interesting choices like welterweight boxing champ Floyd Mayweather Jr., Las Vegas super-singer Wayne Newton, Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown, Indianapolis 500 champion Helio Castroneves and "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" herself, Jane Seymour. But Cuban, the owner who is famous for being fined more than a quarter million dollars by the NBA for comments and complaints, should make the show worth watching.\nI've never really watched the show the past four seasons. I've only seen one episode and it was because ESPN was making a big deal about Clyde Drexler participating in season four. Even then I only watched him dance and then changed the channel to watch "South Park" -- a more worthy viewing.\nYou see, to me, dancing involves doing the two step, the Heisman or poppin', lockin' and droppin' it. But to see that you have to watch MTV, BET or just get me inebriated. As for the tango, the waltz and the other more traditional dances, they're not really my cup of tea … unless you get a group of lunatics involved.\nThis group has plenty of problems. There are enough issues among the cast that the show will go well beyond dancing. \nLet's examine a few of the contestants:\nImagine if Cuban gets eliminated. He will go into the post-dancing interview, blame Tim Donaghy and the rest of the judging crew and then immediately be fined $10,000 by David Stern. He will then blog about it, say he's going to buy the Chicago Cubs and publicly state that he is going to buy the show purely so he can be a judge to rig the outcome.\nWe just got the sports viewers to watch. I smell higher ratings.\nWhat about Scary Spice? Will she spice up my life? Will she flop? I saw "Spice World" and I think she's got a decent chance. Any singer has to have some musical talent, and even though she doesn't exemplify the definition of "talent," she just might be able to dance.\nWe just got the girl-power, British viewers to watch. I smell higher ratings.\nThen there is Mayweather Jr. He has some good footwork from boxing. You can't count him out yet; because he's taken a few good blows to the head, I'm not sold on the fact that he will be able to remember the dance moves. Plus, I think he's crazy.\nWe just got the insane asylums to turn on the TV. I smell higher ratings. \nHow about Wayne Newton? He can sing … kind of. Let's see if he can dance. Let's see him do a little more than sway side to side.\nWe just got the senior citizen viewers to watch. I smell … old people?\nAll these people think they can dance, but forget the dancing. I just want to see the stars interact with the judges and fans. That will be much more entertaining than watching people with no dancing skills attempt to not embarrass themselves on national television. \nBut should we all run to our TiVo's and sign up for a season pass?\nI would definitely say, "Yes." \nPlus, can't you just picture Cuban poppin', lockin' and droppin' it?