Super Romario

Some people just make you wonder. Soccer star Romario de Souza Faria is a perfect example of one of those people.\nRomario, a former striker for the Brazil national soccer team, scored his self-proclaimed “1,000th goal” this past Sunday on a penalty. The reason this tally is self-proclaimed is because the total includes goals scored in all his youth, friendly and testimonial games, as well as those netted in competition.\nThe reaching of this milestone caused a delay in the game as friends and family stormed the pitch to celebrate.\nRomario got me thinking. Is he a truly unnatural physical specimen? Is he a mentally distraught human being from all the headers? Or is he just completely full of himself? I think it’s all of the above.\nBut if Romario can proclaim this milestone, then I think it’s time I proclaim some of the achievements I’ve reached this week.\nThis column includes my 3 quintillionth typed word. This of course includes high school research papers, past sports columns and AIM/text messages.\nLast Monday was my 15,000th time brushing my teeth. Unfortunately, I was here in Bloomington and was unable to celebrate with my family.\nMoreover, last Saturday, I saw my 100th movie in the theater. Kerasotes was kind enough to acknowledge this milestone before the movie started (not really) ... which the crowd enjoyed more than those stupid commercials.\nThe theater movie achievement led to my DVD-watching milestone. I watched “South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut” for the 99th time along with Stomp the Yard (which came out last week) for the 5th time.\nMonday I reached 666 Facebook friends. Coincidence? Maybe. Self-proclaimed? You bet.\nSunday, I ate my 2,000th cheeseburger. This feat, however, was topped on Tuesday when I ate my millionth fry.\nThis upcoming joke will be my 50th joke printed by the IDS: What does a Tickle Me Elmo get right before he leaves the factory?\nTwo test tickles (hint: read it out loud if you don’t get it). That joke gets me every time.\nLast week, I played my 1,500th hole of golf ... which I parred.\nWednesday I watched my 5,000th episode of “Yes, Dear.” This achievement includes the episodes I watched when the show was on prime time and the reruns I watch daily on TBS.\nTuesday I used David Stern’s name in vain for the 10th time this week. This of course didn’t touch the 100 times I used Larry Bird’s name in vain during the NBA draft lottery this past Tuesday night. \nThis column is my 20th printed by the IDS. Hopefully, after a few more columns this summer, the IDS will give me a Mike Abrams’ page for one Thursday.\nAlso, yesterday, I made my 500,000th basket which includes baskets made from youth, recreational play, “NBA 2K7” and beer pong games.\nBut like Romario, I also scored my 1,000th goal on Sunday ... on Xbox’s FIFA 2007.\nFinally, Monday was the first time I’d ever heard of Romario, a milestone I probably didn’t need to reach. However, his self-proclamation made me laugh for the 100 billionth time, a milestone that can’t be left uncelebrated.