A crappy column

We have a character in our house and his name is General Funk. \nIn the figurative sense, it’s Sly Stone meets Patton. That’s the funny sense.\nIn the literal sense, it’s the overwhelming musk that radiates through the upstairs hall after some late night Mexican food – a general funk. That’s the not-so-funny sense.\nWe’ve joked about this character quite often, and there is even an artist’s rendering of him on our wall. But it wasn’t until just this morning, shortly after the good general led his troops on a death march down the hall, that I got to thinking about why General Funk even exists (aside from too many gyros).\nIt’s boggling that anything can still be slightly taboo in the day and age of cable television, the Internet and Paris Hilton crotch shots. But for some reason there are still certain things that people refuse to talk about. Case in point: poop.\nNow poop is funny. Want proof?\nPoop. \nSee, you just smirked. Just a little bit, don’t pretend like you didn’t. Let’s move forward from there. We have a very funny concept that everybody can relate to. Everybody. \nSo why must we create characters like General Funk just to talk about something that happens every day?\nNow this is going to get kind of deep for a column about turds, but if you don’t agree you can just say I’m full of shit and move on – because I am. But I think this is just another example of our culture’s propensity for ignoring the awkward. Look how we handle sex education in this country. Look at the laundry list of vocabulary like “tally whacker” and “ding dong” that’s been invented to avoid saying penis.\nI guess I’ll never understand why we collectively hide behind ridiculous and sometimes even childish guises to avoid – what? Reality?\nThings would be a lot better if General Funk didn’t exist. Albeit, slightly less entertaining, but I still insist they would be better. My roommate could equate the odor to the smell of a dead monkey and that would be in no way strange to random passers by. \nWhy would this poop and penis filled world be a better place? Because at least we would be operating within the confines of what tangibly exists. The entire concept of hiding from something you are uncomfortable with seems incredibly dangerous. And then to augment that by building up falsities to remain disconnected from the discomfort? Where does all that end? Again, getting a bit deep for a crappy column, but that’s where racism comes from, where prejudgment comes from, where an intolerant community comes from. \nI say we embrace the awkwardness. It’s through uncomfortable situations that we learn our true parameters – where to really draw the line. \nSo you know what, forget the Funk. The general is being retired. From now on, my roommate’s poop smells. End of story. And I ain’t shittin’ you there.