Where's my Grammy nomination?

As I eagerly looked online at the list of nominees for the 49th annual Grammy Awards this Sunday, I was shocked to see that my name wasn't on the list. I'm so tired of being snubbed by the Recording Academy. Sure, I'm not a recording artist, per se. I've never released an album. I've never even performed karaoke. But if the Black Eyed Peas can get a Grammy nomination for "My Humps," why can't I?\nI never expected to actually win a Grammy. I'm not that naive. But it could at least throw me a nomination as a gesture of its respect for my work. I didn't ask to be nominated for song of the year. But the academy could've at least nominated me for best new age album or maybe best polka album.\nIf you're like me, you weren't nominated for a Grammy, either. I suggest we boycott the ceremony. Here's a list of six things you can do instead of watching the Grammys:\n1. Give back \nto the \ncommunity\nSure, the Grammys have shiny, gilded gramophone statuettes, but there's another kind of grammy that you may find drinking Metamucil or watching "Matlock." And she doesn't always get the attention she deserves. Volunteer at a retirement home and get to know some real grammies.\n2. Try a new recipe \nExperimenting in the kitchen can be liberating. Never underestimate the versatility of crackers, specifically graham-y crackers. They come in honey and cinnamon. Magic happens when you add toasted marshmallows and chocolate. \n3. Explore your spiritual side\n"If we had more hell in the pulpit, we would have less hell in the pew." These are the words of Christian evangelist Billy Graham-y. While you might not agree with his views or his hairstyle, it doesn't hurt to think about and debate the issues he brings up.\n4. Improve your communication skills\nSo you call yourself a master of the English language, eh? Oh … you don't? Well, I don't neither. This Sunday I plan to study grammar-y. I'd like to introduce you to my new best friends Subject-Verb Agreement, Comma Splice, Misplaced Modifier and Ted the Run-on Sentence.\n5. Explore the \nmetric system\nUnits of measurement are always a controversial subject. The United States seems to be sticking with miles, inches and bushels while most of the world thinks the metric system is superior. You can't knock it 'til you try it. Convert your weight to gram-y's.\n6. Check out \nspace-related \ntechnology\nWhen was the last time you looked into what NASA is doing? It has some pretty crazy stuff, like the Global Reference Atmospheric model, otherwise known as a GRAM-y. I'm not entirely sure what this model does, but you should check it out.\nIf these suggestions don't suit your fancy and you still need an activity to do this Sunday during the Grammys, you can take suggestions from the Black Eyes Peas and meet a girl down at the disco, start some drama, spend money on Dolce & Gabbana or find something to do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk.