Firetruck Elections!

Today, fellow students, marks the most important day of the academic year. Forget midterms, screw finals and don’t even think about Little 500.\nToday is the first day to cast your votes for IU Student Association congressional candidates, your student government.\nThis week, I give you a review of some of the more hilarious votes cast in the 2006 congressional election. Last year’s complete election results (including these write-ins) can be found in PDF format on the IUSA Web site at www.indiana.edu/~iusa/elections/2006electionresults.pdf.\nPerhaps the most striking vote came not for a particular person but for an insult or action concerning IUSA. Editorial concerns prevent the printing of the full vote, but I’ll say it rhymes with buck, starts with “F” and ends with “uck.” Why anyone would vote for “Firetruck IUSA” is beyond me. Then again, someone did cast a vote for “Ugg Boots.” Considering the visibility of Uggs on campus, however, they probably would have done a pretty good job.\nA couple of votes were for “Douchewad McGee” and “Poopface McGee.” The McGee family was certainly well-represented. Conservative pundit “Anne Coulter” (sic) also garnered a vote. Coulter, according to various fake sources, was actually born with the last name McGee. Ironic.\nCandy even seems to have made its way into the ballot box with a vote for “M & M.” Skittles, however, was passed over for a vote, and for good reason: Those fruity and flamboyant rainbow delights have no mind for governance. They’re also not allowed to adopt children or get married, which makes conservative Christians very happy.\nPolitical leaders received votes when ballots were cast for “Dick Cheney,” “Jimmy Carter” and “Al Gore,” none of whom, unfortunately, received enough support to win. Perhaps this is good. Shotguns aren’t allowed on campus, so that disqualifies Cheney. Carter would bring trouble, and the last thing we need is Iranians taking students hostage in the Indiana Memorial Union. Gore probably would have done all right, however. Plus, he’s not doing anything particularly important at the moment.\nFormer Soviet leader Vladimir Lenin even got support – good thing they preserved his body. And someone voted for “The Mexican Government.” One wonders if they’d won, would the Minutemen allow them in the country?\nThere were some senseless votes for “Your Mother” and “My Dad.” Put these together and you get a composite vote for “One Steamy Affair.” \nSome freedom-haters even cast votes for “Osama bin-Laden.” Have no fear; these were counterbalanced by plentiful votes for “Chuck Norris” and even one for “Mister T.” Norris and T could have certainly kept the order if needed.\nLast, there were 4,505 votes cast for candidates of the Hoosier party, which went on to claim the executive offices. Depending on your opinion, this may have been the best or worst vote of all.\nJust remember, student government is your voice. Your opinion is valued. If you disapprove of the way you’re represented, don’t hesitate to contact IUSA and tell them: “Hey, Firetruck you!”