Photo album phobia

"Warning: Contents of this file may induce feelings of severe inadequacy and depression. Remove all razor blades from the room before accessing."\nThis disclaimer should precede entrance into all Facebook photo albums. Because face it: Browsing these pictures makes you want to dye your hair black and cry a lot. It feeds your low self-esteem like firewood to an open flame. You simply aren't prepared for the emotional detriments that accompany the privilege of visual access into the personal lives of every person you have ever met.\nOf course you are Facebook friends with that dude from middle school who crushed your fragile heart like an insect in his hand by checking the "no" box on all your love letters. You log in to Facebook and the first thing that pops up on your news feed are photographs of Dude with his tongue in the mouth of some slutty freshman who still thinks it's cool to spell her name with every other letter capitalized. So what if it's been seven years? It still hurts and you shouldn't have to look at that. You loved him first.\nYou arrive back at school for the new semester and immediately begin browsing through the infamous "OMG X-MAS BREAK IN (insert name of hometown here)" albums that have been tagged a mere five seconds ago. And there, mocking you from the safe distance of your computer screen, are all your friends from high school who didn't return your calls over break, toasting to the new year and all the new Facebook photo albums it will bring -- albums just like this one that will certainly not include you.\nYou're sitting in your room alone on a Saturday night, not because you're a huge loser but just because you feel like "taking a night to yourself." Right. Before you know it you've begun browsing through the photo album of a friend of a brother of a cousin of a friend who, after a hundred photographs, you somehow feel you know quite intimately. They look so happy surrounded by all their friends, laughing and touching each other and engaging in acts of general merriment. You notice the name of the album, which is "The Whole Gang." You look longingly around your empty room and check your cell phone. No missed calls, again. "Why don't I have a gang?" you wonder pathetically.\nYou find pictures of your best friend from high school having the time of her life with her new best friend, who is obviously close to her on a far deeper level than you ever were. You comfort yourself in the observation that this new friend sports teeth of an unfortunate proportion and looks like a horse when she smiles. (Overexposure to these ego-depleting photographs has undoubtedly transformed you into a far more bitter version of your original self).\nFor the sake of your emotional health, I advise you to avoid these albums until you can be absolutely certain that nobody else in the world has more fun, more friends or an all-around better life than you do.