'24' - Jack Bauer is a vampire, Kumar a terrorist and L.A. is toast

The first five seasons of "24" were pretty formulaic: Meet the new terrorists, watch them successfully unleash a couple attacks and threaten massively bigger ones. See Jack find out, through awesomely graphic interrogations, which of the supposedly good guys are actually traitors and kill whoever stands in his way from stopping the BIG attack and save the world as the season ends.\nSPOILER ALERT\nIn the sixth season premiere four-hour-in-two-night launch, the order gets switched up and Jack fails. Just four hours into the new season Jack can't do enough to stop terrorists from launching a nuke on Los Angeles. Jack sheds his two- year vow of silence and facial hair before a daring escape that Dracula would have loved and goes rogue before you can say Kumar?!\nJack used to be invincible. Sure, his wife was raped and murdered in the first season, he failed to stop numerous attacks and most of his best men have been murdered, but he never let a massive attack go down. According to the Facebook group "Jack Bauer is one of the Baddest Mother Fuckers of all time," Jack could win a game of Connect Four in three moves. Now he's letting Kumar get the best of him.\nRumor has it Jack once needed lunch so he shot a fin out of a man's pocket without the guy even noticing. So why couldn't he shoot Curtis without killing him? Curtis was making that "you killed my father, prepare to die look" at Fayed and he definitely needed to be shot before he killed the best hope Jack had at finding terrorists, but what happened to his aim? It wasn't as sad as Tony or Edgar's deaths last season, but now we're only really left with Chloe, Buchanan and Jack and the new President Palmer as people I care about.\nIt was damn near impossible to look at the new terrorist, who I know as Kumar, now going as Ahmed played by Kal Penn, and not think about his days at White Castle with Harold or his "Van Wilder" days. I was praying that Jack would get to interrogate Kumar and get him to admit that he was just delivering a bomb component so he could marry a bag of weed and hold a White Castle chain hostage. Then Jack would hollow Kumar's body and smoke him like a bong.\nThere's a new president again and I just hope Jeb Bush wasn't getting any ideas when it was revealed that slain President David Palmer's brother Wayne is the current president. It's refreshing to have that Nixon-esque President Logan out of office, but his staff is pretty suspect. \nI'm submitting two nominees for potential terrorists posing as decent guys this season. I don't trust that weasel-looking guy Thomas Lennox, who wants to tear up the Constitution, and Chloe's new boyfriend Morris is shadier than Night Moves on a Tuesday afternoon. \nAll in all, I've loved the first four hours and like that they upped the ante, but I have to wonder where they can go from here. Jack is back, but is it really Jack, or did he trade places with Peyton Manning? That has to be it. Jack Bauer beat the Patriots and Peyton's letting L.A. get blown up.