'Tis the season for frankincense, myrrh and bubble-hem dresses

Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la la la la la. 'Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la la la la la. Don we now our gay apparel ...\nYes, don we now our pleather pants and black mesh thongs this holiday season. Just kidding! But the song, believed by some to have originated in Wales in the 16th century, did have the right idea. In fact, a loose translation interprets the actual lyrics to be "Don we now our bubble-hem mini dresses." The Welsh were very fashion-forward people. \nThere are lots of reasons why this is the season to be jolly, but the top two reasons are: getting drunk in fancy clothes and still getting Barbie dolls as gifts from your extended family, despite the fact that you're old enough to get drunk in fancy clothes. \nLet's focus on the fancy clothes. Now, I know some of my fellow Hoosiers are not so fond of them. But unless Marc Jacobs starts manufacturing metallic sweatpants and light-up Ugg boots, I suggest you start shaving your legs and cave to the power that is the dress. \nDresses are all the rage this season. I hear that someone actually got shot in Connecticut over a metallic belted dress. Or was it a PS3? No, that can't be right; that would just be silly. \nBut really, dresses are almost trendier than those up skirt photos of Britney Spears this month. The first of these sexy party dresses is the bubble-hem dress. I'm not talking about those ugly cotton bubble-hem skirts that landed on the clearance rack at Charlotte Russe this summer, but an actual party dress -- silk, satin, taffeta. \nThere are two rules for pulling off the bubble-hems, says Meg Hemphill in this month's In Style. The first is to "avoid an exaggerated poufy skirt." This will add the look of unnecessary pounds, so unless you're striving to be the token fat girl at your party, I would pass up the extra pouf. Second, "show some skin on your upper half" to complement the extra fabric at the bottom. \nAnother great style this season is the metallic mini-dress. It's provocatively short, but the dress is usually softened up by adding sleeves or a higher neckline. It's a great way to show off your stems without looking like a sparkly trainwreck. And, even better, Mischa Barton loves 'em. She goes out to not eat dinner in one almost every night. \nLace is also a hot option for any party dress. It's racy enough to say "show me your candy cane" but ladylike enough to keep the wrapper on. These dresses come in various colors and lengths, but get them a little longer to keep the Frederick's of Hollywood look to a minimum. \nDepending on the event you're headed to, these outfits might require a little dressing up or dressing down. If you're on your way to a Kwanzaa kegger, dress down with a pair of leggings and a bright cardigan. But if you're on your way to a restaurant where the roasted asparagus costs more than the black market value of my pancreas, spice things up with some exaggerated jewelry. As always, flats are a better choice for any party where the cups are red and plastic. Choose suede pumps if, by chance, our friends "Beer Pong" and "Keg Stand" were not invited to the gathering. \nHope you all look fabulous while trolling the ancient Yuletide carol this year, whatever that means.