ONLINE ONLY: The joy of the (tree) hunt

With the first weekend of December looming, bringing with it subfreezing temperatures and some white precipitation, my father and I are gearing up for our annual excursion through the frozen tundra among the perfectly prim and pruned evergreens. Yes, I am talking about the Christmas tree farm. \nWhile there are many routes to take when choosing the ideal tree, I prefer to hunt for live ones. Others might choose to stop by the local home improvement store to search for absolute perfection in a blue spruce or, even worse, purchase a manufactured piece of metal and green plastic designed to resemble a Christmas tree. My sole purpose here is to convince the future tree-buyer into partaking in one of the season's most memorable and rewarding ventures. As an avid sleuth for spruces, I have devised several suggestions for searching for your Christmas centerpiece.\nThis may sound dreadfully painful at first, but begin your venture in the morning, with conditions resembling those often observed in Green Bay. Trust me on this one. Others will be nestled comfortably in their beds while you get to pick from the cream of the Christmas tree crop. Plus, the frozen ground aids immensely in the maneuverability of the cart. Dragging a cart through mud with tree in tow only makes for grumpy spirits and sore biceps. \nI don't know if I can stress this enough, but be sure to check the trunk before cutting. I'm not talking about making sure if the tree has one -- I can assure you that it does -- but look for quality. The ideal tree trunk is straight and free from excess limbs at the base of the tree. Christmas tree trunks often resemble impressionist paintings: They look beautiful from afar, but up close you don't know what's going on. It is the owner's job to make all trees look beautifully symmetrical, regardless of the straightness of the trunk. If you don't heed these words of advice, you will pay. After hours of cursing during assembly, the tree will resemble the Leaning Tower of Pisa, instead of the graceful evergreen you imagined.\nLastly, no matter how cheap the farm advertises them, do not buy a scotch pine. These trees use their needles as weapons. Trimming the tree will be met with fear and disdain, instead of joy and delight. Protective armor and gloves will be required for the unlucky soul who attempts to water this beast in hopes of reducing its risk for torching the family room. My advice? Go with a white pine. The needles are longer and softer and prices are generally comparable to the lethal scotch.\nThis season, steer clear of the concrete, caged-in lots and especially pre-assembled, pre-lit messes of steel, hop in the car with some friends (with "Now That's What I Call Christmas!" blaring) and make your merry way out to the farm. Pick up some hot cocoa at the warming hut in preparation for the festive search that lies ahead.