Make the 'Pain' stop

I hope Keith Urban cracks open a fortune cookie soon and reads the following message: "Give up on your music, and just be happy with your lovely wife." Nicole Kidman could undoubtedly support her husband if he decided to call it quits. My wish won't come true, though, which is a travesty; Love, Pain & the Whole Crazy Thing digs Urban deeper into the hole that is his career. \nUrban seems an unlikely country star. We hear him sport the twang, but in interviews his native Australian accent remains thick. Yet he claims Nashville as his home. Regardless of such confusion, the album's laughable lyrics could serve as inspiration for a South Park ditty. In the generic "Once in a Lifetime," Urban sings "It's a long shot baby/Yeah I know it's true/But if anyone can make it/I'm bettin' on me and you." \nThe rest of the album doesn't shy away from romance, either. Even though "Won't Let You Down" begins with a solid first verse, Urban couldn't resist throwing in cheesy love lines in the chorus. He's a love lyric-aholic. Where did he go wrong? His early career promised so much. He was an award-winning country musician whose guitar skills placed him head and shoulders above his peers. Since an initial burst onto the scene, however, Urban's cookie cutter albums achieve mediocrity at best. \nLove, Pain & the Whole Crazy Thing serves as a fitting counterpart for Urban's aptly named fan club, Monkeyville. There's plenty of square-dancin', toe-tappin', boot-slidin' and hay-rollin' goin' around for everyone, folks. \nThe only number that doesn't induce a yawn, "Raise the Barn," tips a hat to the people of New Orleans for their strength after the disaster of Hurricane Katrina. Now there's a topic to sing about, Keith. If only he could broaden his song-writing capabilities.