Byaah! A bowl game

Who coaches the IU football team? Is it Terry Hoeppner or former Democratic presidential frontrunner Howard Dean? On Monday, Hoeppner wrote a letter to the student body asking for a crowd of 50,000 to attend Saturday's Michigan State game. Hoeppner, like Dean, has sorely overestimated his public's enthusiasm. In 2004, Dean was running away with the Democratic nomination for president when he gave a screaming sermon that made him appear, well, certifiably insane. Soon enough, it was Dean's staunch supporters, rather than his chances for the nomination, that were running away. \nSo when Hoeppner declared that he wanted 50,000 for a stadium that can only summon that much with the help of Ohio State fans, it seemed Hoeppner was now the crazy one. \nWith the help of Dave Chapelle's spoof on Howard Dean's remarks, this is what Hoeppner sounded like (at least in my head):\n"Not only are we gonna get 50,000 at the game, but we're gonna beat Michigan State, we're gonna go to Minnesota and beat them, then we're gonna beat Michigan, then we're gonna go to Purdue and beat them, then we're gonna go to a dot-com bowl game and we're gonna beat them! Byaah!" \nAs Hoeppner, like Dean, screamed "Byaah!" he flexed his arm across his chest like he was at a hoedown. Unfortunately for coach Hep, Saturday won't be a hoedown; it'll be a hose down. Like they always do, the students will come out in full support on the tailgating fields, forgetting that IU has a football team. Instead, the students will hose down Hoeppner's expectations and at the same time hose down themselves with beer bongs. \nWhile the football team might suck, the students -- in more ways than one -- suck even more. \nWithin this reality lies one fundamental football question in Bloomington: Who is to blame? The football coach for expecting such an outrageously large crowd (by Bloomington standards) or the student body who wakes up every Saturday morning in support of funnel towers over its football team? \nFirst, the students' perspective, which I have aptly named "If you build it, they will come:" Most students believe if the Hoosiers build a winning football program, the victories will be the key in capturing their attention. For more than a decade, IU football has been on cardiac arrest, and each losing season further clogs the football program's arteries. Football's failures further feed the students' "Why bother?" attitudes. \nEvery Saturday, tailgating IU students stand in front of two roads diverged at the Woodlawn fields. They take the road most traveled, stuffing their stomachs instead of stuffing the stadium, and that has made absolutely no difference. \nThe football team's perspective can be summed up in two words: staunch support. If students want to call themselves true fans of IU football, they must support the team in bad times and worse times. Even without staunch student support, this football has stayed the course at .500. Even without staunch student support, this football team still has a chance at a bowl game. \nSo is Hoeppner delusional, or is the student body undependable? Perhaps both, but either way it is a strange dilemma. It's a Catch-22 that would spin around a spinal cord. The fans won't show up if the football team won't win, and the football team won't win if fans won't show up. You know what I say? Screw the students, coach. Embrace the football faithful who attend every game, regardless of the opponent, the weather or the team's record. Coach, you and the Hoosiers won two weeks ago in front of a crowd of 31,392 against Iowa. Who needs 50,000 in front of Michigan State? And from there? Byaah! A bowl game.