Pants optional

Calling all future Miss America hopefuls: If you're looking for the perfect interview coach, I'm your go-to gal. You know that question, "What could be done to make the world a better place?" I have the answer:\nNo pants.\nForget "world peace." Once you eliminate pants as a social fashion norm, the peace will follow.\nPantaloons, trousers, slacks -- they're all tools designed by a fashion designer known as "the man," who created them not for comfort, not for style but specifically to keep us down.\nLook around you. Everyone is wearing pants. Pants have become a wardrobe staple for virtually everyone, but getting rid of them has so many benefits.\nThink of all the money we could save by not purchasing pants. Your average pair of pants ranges in price anywhere from $10 to $10 million.\nHow many times have you heard, "Sorry kids, no food tonight. We had to buy another pair of pants?" \nNever again!\nPants also play a major role in the obstacle course of equality-- perhaps even more so than running through the tires of prejudice or climbing the wall of ignorance. If everyone stood together, unbuckled their belts and said, "To hell with pants!" they could knock down socioeconomic barriers and lead us one step closer to a classless utopia.\nThose pants are from Wal-Mart. Those pants are Gucci. Who cares? Labels and price wouldn't matter anymore if no one were wearing those pants. No longer would we be third-class citizens judged by our choice of pants aspiring to wear the fancy pants worn by the very elite. We would just be people, purely people.\nSocial inequality isn't the only injustice perpetuated by pants. The spark of gender inequality is fanned into a fire with the plague of pants-wearing. Pants are a symbol of masculinity. You've heard the phrase "wearing the pants" as a way to describe who holds control in a situation or relationship, implying that a man or whoever is most masculine should hold control. Without pants, clothing-based hierarchy could be debunked.\nThe absence of pants could also squelch the uprising of disruptive fashion controversy. Recently people have been taking to the streets to riot against the infiltration of leggings into mainstream fashion. Remove the pants factor and leggings would become a nonissue. Lives could be saved.\nSome people might argue that pants exist for a reason, for warmth and protection. Those people are sissies.\nSome might worry that cutting down on pants sales would ruin the lives of pants-makers everywhere. However, pants-dependent economies can easily transition their trade into crafting useful, pants-shaped nuclear weapons.\nAnd some people might just really love pants. Not to worry: Pants should not be outlawed, merely made optional. \nPants restrict movement and air flow. If the lower half of our bodies is restrained and controlled, how soon before the same happens to our minds? Or is it too late? No! The revolution begins when you take off your pants.