You know what time it is

Every few years, there's a TV event that not only changes your life and your world but your very notion of what you thought the medium could do.\nOn Aug. 6, a lovely (read: "horrifying") lady with the moniker "Somethin'" crapping on the floor of Flavor Flav's mansion in the premiere of Season 2 of "The Flavor of Love."\nIt's unclear exactly what lead up to this earth-shattering moment, as it rarely is clear as to how exactly poop ends up on anyone's floor.\nThe 14 women vying to be Flav's new main squeeze had gotten through the first elimination ceremony and "gathered 'round your man" after a brief party. Then they all started to smell something rotten, and the next thing you know there's a turd on the ground (which, in a rare classy moment, VH1 did not show on camera).\nThe second episode didn't answer the questions about the turd, but Somethin' (who's 200 pounds if she's an ounce) said she was glad she had shat on the floor because it made her stand out.\nThis is just one of the many examples of the absolute lunacy that has taken place on "The Flavor of Love" since it premiered in January.\nFor those who haven't had the chance to indulge in its extremely low-brow, stereotype-heavy insanity, it's pretty easy to sum up: It's "The Bachelor" with rapper Flavor Flav. Except instead of a rose, contestants get a clock and are told, "You know what time it is." Yeah.\n"The Flavor of Love" has hit new lows, even for a reality show. Almost every single woman (especially in the first season) is portrayed as some kind of obsessive, stalking gold digger who will do anything for a few minutes with William Jonathan Drayton, Jr., A.K.A. Flavor Flav (who, let's face it, is not the best-looking guy in the world by anyone's standards).\nThe first season climaxed with one contestant spitting on the other, so I guess the only way to top it in the second season was with poop. Be very, very of a third season. \nMeanwhile, Flavor Flav indulges in his ridiculous persona in all of its glory, with a clock around his neck. His lines in this farce are little more than the Pokemon-esque "FLAVOR FLAV!" with a few "You know what time it is!" and "Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Boooooooooys" thrown in for good measure.\nLet's get this straight: "The Flavor of Love" is not a good TV show. Its characters are completely unrealistic and one-dimensional, the situations too outlandish and the dialogue is mind-numbingly stupid. It might be the worst show ever conceived and shoveled upon an unsuspecting public. In fact, biblical scholars are currently pouring over the Book of Revelation to see if it is in fact the final sign of the apocalypse and Flavor Flav is the Antichrist.\nI really do believe Flavor Flav is the devil and holds some sort of hypnotic power over the human race, because I just can't stop watching this crap. Every time it's on I become enchanted by the spell of such an over-the-top concept and am locked to my couch, unable to move until the last clock has been given out and the final "FLAVOR FLAV!" uttered. In fact, tonight I have a Catholic priest coming over to exercise my computer and credit card in hopes that it doesn't somehow purchase the first season DVDs, but the evil one's power is strong. This is now VH1's No. 1 rated show.\nMuch like the bad acting of a '70s porno film, "The Flavor of Love" is so incredibly low-brow that it somehow becomes high art. It's almost Shakespearean. The trailer park crowd can sit there and laugh at poop on a floor while academics can analyze if this really is the fall of Western civilization.\nMaybe that's what Flav really means when he says, "You know what time it is"