Face-to-Facebook

How's that job search going? What about that internship you applied for?\nDidja know that employers have started looking at Facebook profiles?\nHmmm ... from the look on your face, I'm guessing that you didn't.\nYes, indeed -- on June 11, The New York Times reported that companies have begun checking prospective candidates' backgrounds using Facebook; as well as Google, Yahoo, "MySpace, Xanga and Friendster." How can they, you ask, when only friends and schoolmates can see my profile? Well, they just find someone in the company who's an alumnus with an active university e-mail account -- or an intern from your school -- have them do a search and ... bingo!\nWait -- don't panic! I'm here to help. We'll get that profile so clean, the electrons will squeak as they brush past one another. Why, your own grandmother will think you're a nerd.\nAlright, let's start with "Basic Info." Gender, sexual preference, "relationship status" -- most employers can't discriminate against you for those. Not legally, anyway. Now, under "looking for," put down: "friendship" and "long-lasting, traditional, monogamous marriage that will produce many offspring who will grow into loyal future employees." That'll let them know you're a solid investment.\nNow, for "Personal Info." Political views? Put down: "whatever you say." Activities? "Studying hard; wholesome, team-oriented sports; and volunteering totally out of the goodness of my heart and not to pad my resumé." Interests? "Working evenings and weekends without extra pay, long meetings, memos, fluorescent lighting, PowerPoint, inspirational posters, synergy." \nFavorite Music? Tough one. It's obvious which genres to exclude (gangsta rap, punk rock, heavy metal), but not what to include. Next time you're in the record store, hit up the collections and copy down the tracklisting of the blandest one you can find. Say, "All-Instrumental Hits Volume 1," "101 Classic Love Songs," "Smooth Jazz to Drink Your Latte By" -- or, how about, "World's Greatest Elevator Music" (a real album!). Favorite TV Shows? Go with news, sports and whatever everyone else is watching -- just look for the shows that your local newscast talks about instead of real stories. Favorite Movies? No slasher pics, kung fu, gangster flicks, blaxploitation, art films, foreign films or documentaries. For guys, Westerns are a safe bet. For ladies, romantic comedies. Favorite books? Something along the lines of "The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People." Or, if you have a specific company in mind, listing the founder's memoirs is a nice touch.\nNow, obviously, you'll have to edit your groups, photos and wall posts. No more membership in "I totally got laid on the quad" or "4:20 4 Evar!" How about, "People who work quietly and don't move around much" or "I'm totally efficient despite not getting paid." No more postings from friends about "getting ripped," either. In fact, avoid having friends altogether. It's safer that way.\nAnd as for the photo of you and that donkey in Tijuana? At least Photoshop yourself into a suit. You want employers to see you at your best.