Good Lordi

Over the weekend, something cool happened that you probably didn't hear about. Or, if you did hear about it, you probably didn't know why it was so cool.\nSaturday, an outrageous, monster-costumed, Finnish death-metal band called Lordi won the Eurovision Song contest.\nWait, wait, wait -- don't turn to the horoscope yet! This does relate to you and me and all of us here in the States -- I promise.\nThe Eurovision Song contest is, well, just what you'd think -- a pan-European competition where each country sends one musical act. The acts, then, compete for votes from a TV audience of about 100 million people. And, given that set-up, the quality of music has been, again, just what you'd think. For 50 years, it has combined the music-hating, soul-killing blandness of American Idol with the pomposity and political dirty-tricks of the Olympics. In 1988, it unleashed Celine Dion upon the world (on behalf of Switzerland -- demonstrating that even neutral countries can inflict crimes against humanity). And then, all of a sudden, some crazy, demonic-dressing, GWAR-inspired Finns won the whole shebang.\nHence my question is this: if such a left-field act can conquer Eurovision -- the mainstreamiest of the mainstream -- why does our mass-media music in this country have to be so painfully, unspeakably dull? Sure, in the cases of the absolute, lowest-common-denominator stuff (Idol, much of Vh1, whoever performs the Superbowl's half-time), there's a fear of causing "offence." Yet, somehow, 1,001 gangsta rap clones get on the cable airwaves -- PTA groups and religious-right puritans be damned -- albeit by saying the same "offensive" things in the same ways, over and over and over again. \nAnd, sure, there's a financial constraint. Marketing is expensive and the big record labels want a safe investment -- so you're much more likely to hear a past-its-prime rock band from the '90s on the radio than something new. But the mass-communications technology has gotten so much cheaper, and there are so many acts that would perform for free, just for the exposure -- how hard would it be to have an American Idol with diverse musical acts, rather than all Whitney Houston wannabes?\nAnd, finally, why could such a breakthrough occur in Europe and not here? The United States' talent pool is probably much deeper than most of Europe's (except in Britain, and, to a lesser extent, Ireland and Sweden). Like it or not, English-language acts remain the global standard, and American culture is less bound by tradition and state interference (for example, the United States still has stronger protection for freedom of expression -- despite the efforts of such organizations like the Federal Communications Commission).\nAnd yet it remains to be seen: could a wild-ass, horns-wearing, skull-sporting heavy metal band survive in a prime-time contest before the millions of zombies who still watch network TV? We might just find out: May 20, CNN reported that NBC is planning a Eurovision-based competition among the 50 states.