Who let this dog out?

If you make out with your spouse who's trapped in an animal's body, is it still considered beastiality? Apparently not in this update of the old Disney "Shaggy Dog" films. \nTim Allen plays a busy father too obsessed with his career as a Los Angeles deputy District Attorney to be concerned with his wife ("Sex and the City's" Kristin Davis), son (Disney slave Spencer Breslin) and daughter (an overacting and annoying Zena Grey). But faith intervenes when a genetically altered canine bites Allen, transforming him into a dog and allowing him to see the errors of his ways. Well sort of, at least that's how it should have been. Turns out said dog is a 300-year-old Tibetan canine who's been stolen by a corrupt pharmaceutical company (headed by Robert Downey Jr.) interested in discovering his fountain of youth secret to sell for millions. And if that's not enough, the company is cruelly testing and creating weird crossbred animals. \nThe PETA-friendly message is pretty clear ... forcing animals to do anything (like acting in movies perhaps?) is wrong. So of course it's up to Allen and friends to bring down the company and anything else that's good about the movie.\nAt first "Dog" is mildly entertaining, as it allows Allen opportunities for some great physical comedy before the creepy CGI effects takes over. Allen's cheesy dialogue as a dog can be a little much, but it's not nearly as annoying as the constant barking placed over his voice tracks, just in case the audience forgets he's a dog.\nIn the end, the film bombards the audience with morals, values and more values. Money and corruption? Bad. But homeless people, attacking old ladies and dangerous freeway car pileups are all fine for the sake of a laugh. Oh but family relationships and being true to yourself is really important. Obviously the target audience is children, and they'll enjoy the film. But for anyone else, the film works in dog years. It's fun for the first 30 minutes, but everything after feels seven times longer.