8 p.m.:With a wonderfully amusing video featuring past Oscar hosts passing on the role of Emcee to Jon Stewart, the Oscars kicked off in full force with some smart and quirky laughs.
8:03 p.m.:Wearing a fantastically bizarre beard, director/actor/producer/preacher Mel Gibson does some shameless self promotion for his upcoming film "Apocalypto" by making an opening remarks in the ancient Mayan language, proving he may, in fact, be losing his marbles.
8:05 p.m.: Jon Stewart opens up his savvy opening monologue by welcoming the audience by saying, "Welcome ladies, gentleman, Felicity." Later he cynically states "Bjork couldn't be here this year. She was trying on her Oscar dress, and Dick Cheney shot her."
8:15 p.m.: As the first of many other great video montage features of the night, Jon Stewart, undoubtedly backed by his smart Daily Show team, show that "there is nothing remotely gay about the Hollywood classic Western films. This harmless poke at Best Picture nominee "Brokeback Mountain" is one of the highlights of the night.
8:19 p.m.: George Clooney takes the gold for Best Supporting Actor in "Syriana:" In his usual charming demeanor he thanks the academy and states that he's proud of being a part of the Hollywood industry.
8:26 p.m.: Ben stiller enters the stage in a green uni-tard suit to present the Oscar for Best Visual Effects. Quote of the delivery: "This is blowing Spielberg's mind." Followed by a pan to Spielberg shaking his head saying "No it's not"
8:40 p.m.: Dolly Parton comes out to sing her Oscar nominated song dressed in the finest ABBA leotard money can buy. Unlike other nominated songs, this performance failed to feature interpretive dancing routines by awkward looking actors.
8:57 p.m.: Comedians Steve Carell and Will Ferrell present the Oscar for Best Achievement in Makeup draped with poorly mastered facial makeup jobs. Funniest line of the bit: Ferrell to Carell: "May I ask what you're wearing?" Carell: "It's called pineapple bliss"
9:12 p.m.: Wonderful film noir tribute video montage presented by a fairly confused looking Lauren Bacall.
9:22 p.m.: "March of the Penguins" filmmakers accept their Oscar for Best Documentary, Features with four penguin stuffed animals.
9:25 p.m.: Best Song nominee Kathleen York for "Crash" sings on stage in a sea of fog surrounded by fleet of avant-garde interpretive dancers and a burning car in the background. The overly moody performance crashes and burns.
9:37 p.m.: Yet another wonderful video montage of films with timely and important messages that changed world. Most amusing title featured: "The Day after Tomorrow."
9:47 p.m.: Worldly acclaimed violinist Itzhak Perlman performs a stunning vignette of the nominated film scores. Argentine native Gustavo Santaolalla takes the gold for "Brokeback Mountain."
10:05 p.m.: Actresses Lili Tomlin and Meryl Streep unload a delightful improvised introduction to the presentation of the Honorary Oscar to auteur Robert Altman.
10:49 p.m.: Philip Seymour Hoffman wins in the Best Actor category and delivers a touching acceptance speech honoring the fellow nominees and thanking his mother among others.
10:55 p.m.: In what might be the fluffiest but also most touching acceptance speech of the night, Reese Witherspoon is the victor in the Best Actress category.
11:20 p.m.: Ang Lee wins Best Director prize and delivers one of the most awkward speech openers by saying, "I wish I knew how to quit you." Audience response is minimal.
11:25 p.m.: In undoubtedly the biggest surprise of the night, "Crash" takes the top prize of the night, beating out the powerhouse, "Brokeback Mountain."
